Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

and the clock keeps ticking…

By on December 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue

What is it about the last 4 days of the year that consistently sends me into a tizzy? It’s like, I woke up this morning and remembered a whole list of crap I SWORE I was going to get down before the end of 2009. And true to form, I have decided to make it ALL happen in the next 96 hours… or at least try really, really hard.


I exhaust myself.

Speaking of exhaustion, (as I’ve stated many times in the past) works a nerves more than that awful Gosselin clan. Mmm-hmm, Jon, Kate and yes, all eight of their funny looking kids- no offense.

Just when I thought we might make it out of 2009 without any more self-created drama from TLC’s former get-along-gang, here Jon goes- back in the freakin’ headlines. This time because his NYC apartment was allegedly ransacked from top to bottom by his ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman. Um, really? Who cares? People’s apartments get broken into ALL the time. Doesn’t that fool have insurance?

And not for nothing, what exactly did he expect to happen when he put her out? Isn’t this the same chick that started out as a journalist but somewhere along the line tossed all her integrity to the side to get famous by screwing Jon?


Uh-huh. *blank stare with three SLOOOOOOOOW blinks*

blood on the dancefloor…

By on December 23, 2009 in i die, made for the maury show, never too grown, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Never thought I’d utter this sentence but, it sure is a good day to be Mike Tyson.


Okay, okay maybe good is a bit of a stretch since dude is already scheduled to head back to court in 2010 for the shenanigans with the paparazzi a couple of months ago. But something tells me that if the former champ read yesterday’s New York Post (or should I say, had someone read it to him), he probably enjoyed a bit of a chuckle.

‘Yes sir because apparently, that whole ‘man-biting-man-and-ripping-flesh off-in-the-heat-of-the-battle’ thing that he went through back in the ring with Holyfield? Well kids, it really can happen to the best of us. Okay, maybe not the best. But dammit, it does happen. Just ask Mark Lambert…

*movie star screams, gags and faints DEAD on the floor*

But wait on it… wanna know the reason the lawyer went all cannibal on his fellow club patron? (And no, there weren’t millions of dollars at stake like there was for Tyson.) It seems that two of Lambert’s homeboys were holed up in a bathroom stall and not exactly using it to urinate if you catch my drift… Coughs, How you doin’?? So Herber started tripping on the 2 guys and demanding they come out b/c he needed to actually use the bathroom. And that’s when Lambert (who was outside the stall using a urinal), rushed to the defense of his friends and started the fight with Herber. Um really, all that for some friends?? Feel free to insert serious side-eye as the disco ball silently spins overhead.

Mind you, the two dudes in the stall were not charged with any crime. Which means- they never bothered to stop whatever they were “doing,” come out and help Lambert who was chomping away on their behalf.

*drops the mic and walks away*

should’ve queefed…

By on December 22, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, made for the maury show, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tagging out

And the crazy keeps coming… Don’t ask me how I missed this story BUT it seems that earlier this year the police in England were on the hunt for a-and I quote- ‘sniffing pervert.’ Uh-huh, you read that correctly.


Apparently this grown ass man was/is stalking a 20 year-old stock boy at a grocery store in Plymouth Divine, England. And by “stalking,” what he does is hang around the grocery store aisle where dude is working and when the kid isn’t paying attention, the pervert will get really close and sniff the boy’s booty…. a lot.
But wait on it… This wasn’t an isolated incident. Allegedly, this man has come into the store at least twice to get his whiff on. *Dead Fish Eyes*

Okay forreal, forreal, fetish be damned who does this???? And perhaps the bigger question is, why didn’t any of the other people shopping in the aisle say something when they saw this man with his nose all up in this kid’s arse?

‘Cause not for nothing, if I saw someone shoving their face in another person’s butt and then ducking away, I’m saying something. And no, not because I’m some kinda good samaritan trying to gain brownie to get into heaven. How’s about I just don’t want to see that nonsense in the same place that I’m purchasing my groceries. Like, Ever.

welcome to our world….

By on December 21, 2009 in end of days, keep hope alive, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Okay, I know times are hard and tempers can be short but I’m gonna need folks to dig deep and find a bit of the holiday spirit. ‘Cause what we’re not going to tolerate is the disgruntled off-duty D.C. cop pulling a gun and threatening civilians because his precious red Hummer got caught in the middle of an organized snowball fight.


No thank you Detective Bailey. That is NOT what the tax dollars pay your salary for. AT. ALL.

Although on a sidenote: I wonder how those lil’ white boys felt having a police officer pull a gun and threaten them for no good reason. ‘Cause while I know it frequently happens to kids of color in the D.C hoods… Err-um, on the newly gentrified U Street is another story. Poppin’ off on them ivy league edu-ma-cated trustfund pinktoes?
Good luck with that.

Be sure to peep the video. $5 says dude is unemployed before the strike of midnight on New Year’s Eve.

famous or not…

By on December 21, 2009 in end of days, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

To say I was shocked to hear of Brittany Murphy’s death is putting it lightly. I LOVED so many of her performances- Clueless, Girl, Interrupted, Spun, and the list goes on. Real talk? She was totally a friend in my head. And despite whatever she may have allegedly been going through lately, it’s heartbreaking to learn that anyone at the age of 32 can suffer and die from a heart attack. *makes mental note to get my butt to the gym*


And I’d definitely be remiss if I didn’t also mention the passing of another wonderful actress who over the years brought a lot of laughter to my life- Alaina Reed Hall a.k.a Rose from 227. Apparently the 63 year-old passed away last week after battling breast cancer. *makes mental note to check the twins for lumps as soon as I get in the shower*

But I also ned to take a moment to send a special prayer out to family and friends of 25 year-old Euthisa Revee Renix. The pregnant mother of one suffered a seizure and also died of cardiac arrest while working at a Au Bon Pain in Brooklyn. The difference here is that there were two lazy ass NYC EMTs in store when Euthisa initially collapsed. And they absolutely refused to interrupt their breakfast break to help resuscitate her. Matter-of-fact, the two callous bastards advised one of homegirl’s co-workers to “call 911″ and then they walked out before back-up ever arrived. * makes mental note to light a candle cause those two are going straight to hell*

Um, raise your hand if you’re ready not just for a new year but a new decade.

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