Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

filing a missing persons report…

By on February 23, 2010 in work it white girl

When I woke up this morning I had two very different thoughts. First, was the realization that the headache/ migraine I’ve been suffering from for the past 48 hours is finally gone. Praise God! And secondly, I wondered where Paris Hilton was hiding out nowadays. I know, I know. *crickets*


Maybe it’s because I was watching the season finale of Keeping Up With The Karshadians the other day when it occurred to me that in the last year or so, Kimmie and her entire little look alike tribe essentially snatched the life away from Paris et al. And you know what, I’m not even mad.

Say what want about her boring sex tape, blatant use of butt pads and that nasal, high-pitched voice (which irritates most of us b/c real talk, if anyone else whined HALF as much to our sig others, we wouldn’t get shit but cussed out and told to shut da hell up) howsumeva, that white woman is a straight hustler. She may have no perceptible talent or even personality but she sure can work a camera. And with that singular ability, she has managed to get her and her ENTIRE FAMILY pizz-aid!!

Now that’s what I call looking out for the home team.

Truth be told, I kinda wish she’d teach a class. You know something like, “How To Turn A Boring Sex Tape Into A Million Dollar Moment For Ev’ry-Damn-Body.’ I’m just saying…

my mouth is your mouth…

By on February 22, 2010 in feedback

Hmm, slow news day and it’s Monday. You know what that means… Time for an old poll question!


OK, now here’s a funny one: Would you share your toothbrush with your significant other?
12% of you guys say sure
87% of you guys say heck no

Wow, 87% said no? I’m really surprised. I figured it would be the other way around…

Granted, I’ve never been in the position where I’ve needed to do it or vice versa but I’m not adverse to the idea. I mean, we’re a couple, right? And in my mental Mitzi Dictionary, that means that dude and I have swapped spit (amongst other bodily fluids) more than once, twice, thrice… You get the picture.

So then, what’s the big deal about sharing a toothbrush?

Cause real talk, if it’s between that and my better half walking around with a yuck mouth for an extended period of time, by all means- have at it. God forbid, someone ever has to say, “You know, he’s a great guy and all BUT Mitzi’s boyfriend has the WORST breath!”

Uugh I would DIE.

And not for nothing, doesn’t everyone clean off their toothbrushes in hot water when they finish brushing? So it’s not like I’m asking to use his dirty dental floss… Right?

*crickets*

Oh wait, I get it! Is this just one of those boundaries issue? Like how, even on the hottest day in hell I will never, ever ever share a bikini with anyone? No? Its bigger than that? Well in that case, you tell me, why does the idea of sharing your toothbrush with someone (who’s prob already put a private part in your mouth) gross you out?

fat bitch! giveaway…

By on February 19, 2010 in we love the free

You know how some people really, really LOVE comedy shows? I’m talking all dressed up, sitting front and center and just ready to get their wide open mouth laugh on? Yeah you know exactly what I’m talking about…. Well, Me? Not so much. Truth be told, not at all.


The last comedy show I went to was Chris Rock at Madison Garden for New Year’s Eve years ago. And I have to tell you, I was super excited to go see Chris perform. I just knew that I was going to laugh non-stop from the beginning until way after we left the arena. Hmm… If you’ve read my blog before you should already know where I’m going with this.

*crickets*

I mean don’t get me wrong, there were definitely funny PARTS throughout the show. And I was happy as hell to see Chris. But I definitely found myself nodding out on the ex-BF’s shoulder for a couple minutes here and there. Yeah, I admit it. Oh well.

So anyhoo, all this to say, I was really reluctant to accept the invitation to see comedienne Erica Watson’s new one-woman show, FAT BITCH. Especially since I kinda like Erica. We’re new Twitter friends and she makes me laugh quite a bit during the day. But I read the fantastic reviews and she kept inviting me to come out so I finally caved- ’cause not for nothing, how many times can you come up with a good reason not to make a show that’s 4 train stops away?

DEAD FISH EYES.

Okay, can I tell you? Erica’s show was HEE-Larious!! When I wasn’t laughing out loud, I nodding in agreement or clapping my ass off. And words can’t even begin to describe the tomfoolery that occurs at the end of the show. When I tell you, I was wiping TEARS off my face as the lights came up??

CRAZY.

But instead of me trying to explain how wonderful the show was, I’m going to do you one better.I’m going to SEND you and a friend to next week’s performance here in New York City!!!!

Courtesy of the fabulous Ms. Watson, Mitzi Moments is giving away a FREE pair of tickets to see FAT BITCH at the Laurie Beechman Theatre on Thursday February 25th at 7p!

Here’s how you win:

MANDATORY:

• Leave me one comment telling me the last thing that made you laugh till you cried.

• Be/Become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (if you are already, this doesn’t apply to you, if not you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave separate comments for each):

• TWEET “I just entered the @MitziMoments FAT BITCH! giveaway for a pair of free tickets to see Erica Watson perform. http://tinyurl.com/y9wlgbr”

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through Google follower on site OR get the Mitzi Moments RSS feed HERE on the site (leave an additional comment letting me know you’ve done so).

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter (send me a message letting me know you’ve done so).

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you’ve done so).


THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. PLEASE NOTE: Travel expenses will not be provided and there is a $15 minimum food/drink minimum (but the food is YUMMY).

go team…

By on February 18, 2010 in it takes a village, Mitzi- all day every day

So after all the hoopla Shani Davis came right back and kicked ass in the men’s 1,000-meter speed skating competition, huh? Well alrighty then. Chicago, stand up!


On an itty bitty sidenote, this is probably a horrible thing to say considering how hard all those athletes work to prepare but forreal, forreal I so could care less about the Olympic Games. (Mind you, I have a friend that’s very, very likely to land a spot on the USA track team and still… Not so much.) No offense.

And it’s weird cause didn’t we all used to LIVE for the Olympics?? I can distinctly remember begging my parents to let me stay up late and watch whatever-the-hell competition was on TV: ice skating, gymnastics, downhill skiing, track & field. Mind you, this was before there were Black people to watch and identify with.

*dead fish eyes*

I wonder what that’s about… Am I the only one that couldn’t give two shits about bringing home the “gold” to the ‘ole U-S of A? Especially when we still can’t manage to bring home the health insurance? Or how about the end to the recession?

I’m just saying… *kanye shrug*

every little step…

By on February 17, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it's in the genes, it's not a game out there, Mitzi- all day every day, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, tapped out

BEFORE:

AFTER:

DAMN.

So the other night, I had a pizza and TV date with my homie, D. And for some unforeseen reason we ended up watching the new episode in the latest season of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club. Um, how can I put this nicely… Oh. My. God.

Bobby Brown? Tanisha from Bad Girls Club? Shar Jackson? K-Fed? Oh and puh-lease don’t get me started on Nicole Egbert, the lifeguard chick from Baywatch who used to run up and down the beach looking like that red flotation device she carried weighed more than her. Well just know, homegirl has turned into a straight up Kirstie Alley’s mini-me and wait on it.. the bish only weighs 130lbs! Who’s body falls apart at 130lbs?? No ma’am. FAIL.

*makes the sign of the cross and quickly thanks God for good genes*

And while we definitely got our laugh on at these fallen stars’ expense, I have to tell you… Secretly, my heart truly broke for Bobby. To see that bloated face all up close and personal?

Dude, Bobby used to be a SEX SYMBOL. Like forreal. From New Edition to his way too short lived solo career… that man was off da chain. And now look. Sigh. I can’t. Insisting that he’s clean and sober but still sucking down cans of Bud beer and glasses of straight vodka like a damn fish. And when that fat bottom lip got to twitching?

DEAD FISH EYES.

Needless to say, I will be sending up prayers- as I what? Tune in EV’RY damn week.

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