I had an interesting conversation about dating, marriage and religion with an old friend from college that I’ve recently reconnected with thanks the wonders of Facebook. Before I go in, let me give you a little background on dude- He is a good looking, intelligent, well traveled, African American in his early 30s that resides in Atlanta. With his wife and multiple kids- so, there’ll be none of that type of scandal in this post thank you very much.
Anyhoo, to quickly sum the exchange up: First, he spent what felt like 3 hours steady grilling me about who I was dating, all the potential I was wasting by dating what he deemed as the wrong types of guys, why I refuse to move to Atlanta and of course, why it was really my fault that I’m not married yet.
SIDEBAR: have you ever noticed how much ADVICE married people feel COMPELLED to give their single friends?? As if being single is such a TERRIBLE affliction. And since they’re no longer in the same boat, they just HAVE to help you get out too??
Then (when he finally paused to take a breath) I countered with: ‘Since you’re so confident there are HOARDS of overlooked eligible Black men out there restlessly waiting for me to get my life together and find them, why don’t you introduce me to a few? You know, kinda like, put your money where your mouth is?’
Well to what should be no one’s amazement, he immediately changed his tune.
His NEW song and dance became even shadier: while all of his single friends are intelligent, great looking, in their late early 30s, allegedly above & beyond eligible, and actively looking to get married in the near future; NONE are be willing to enter a serious relationship with a woman of a different faith. Mind you, when he said different, he wasn’t talking about a Christian to a Muslim or even Jehovah’s Witness to Jewish. Oh no. He was a specific as Protestant to Catholic. And since my faith lends itself more towards deeply committed spiritually than any conventional organized religions, he wouldn’t feel COMFORTABLE introducing me to any of his boys.
So much for all my potential, huh? *SIDE-EYE*
For the record, it has never in a million years occurred to me to disqualify a potential mate based on faith. Truth be told, I’ve even dated a guy who was so “religious” he felt the need to repent for his sins every time we had sex b/c I wasn’t “saved.” (Yeah, I wish I was making that up too.)
But back to the convo with ‘ole boy… So at the end of the morn (’cause for the record, his happily married behind called me at midnight) I still refused to believe that the majority of people that I know would agree with him and disqualify a potential mate because the individual was Protestant and he/she was Baptist. But it did make me wonder how many folks are as liberal minded as i am when it comes to marrying someone of a drastically different faith. So of course, I asked.
73% of you guys said you wouldn’t do it
26% of you said it wouldn’t matter
Interesting. I guess as folks get older and go through real life trials and tribulations, being specific about faith matters more… And I wish you all good luck with that. ‘Cause please believe, as long as a man is mature, open-minded and recognizes some kinda higher power the doors of MY church will remain what? WIDE open.
Let the choir sing.
