Mitzi Moments

Basic Hometraining Rule 101: Before you say something negative, it’s important to lead with a positive.


So let’s start the day by giving Sandra Bullock a HUGE shout out. Adoption, Oscar and Divorcing lame ass Jesse James? Homegirl is taking no shorts in 2010. Sure hope Elin is taking notes. And best of all, how serious is baby Louis’s side-eye game? Like,what? Straight out the N.O grilling the paparazzi like a rock star.

I am also L-O-V-ing the fact that not only will President Obama will be delivering the eulogy at Dorothy Height’s funeral tomorrow but he also ordered the American flags at the White House and upon all public buildings and grounds, at all military posts and naval stations, and on all naval vessels of the Federal Government in the District of Columbia and throughout the United States and its Territories and all possessions to be flown at half-staff on the day as well, “as a mark of respect for the memory.”

Take that, Take that.

Yes, I’m really glad that I had such encouraging and happy news to help balance out the craziness that is jumping off in mid-west right now: As if Arizona wasn’t enough, apparently despite two vetoes by the State’s governor, the Oklahoma Legislature has voted two new and even more restrictive abortion measures into law. One of which requires women to undergo an ultrasound and listen to a detailed description of the fetus before getting and abortion AND the other prevents women who have had a disabled baby from suing a doctor for withholding information about birth defects while the child was in the womb.

DEAD SILENCE

But wait on it, the new laws are way detailed. Like the first law, requires that the doctor or technician set up the monitor so that woman can see it and describe the heart, limbs and organs of the fetus. No exceptions are made for rape and incest victims. Okay real talk, how sick is that for someone to have to sit through the description of a fetus? Although, I’m not really sure what the hell they’re going to be describing since its just a mass of tissue and nerve stems for the first six weeks (which is when most women schedule the procedure). So perhaps they’ll just be making it up as they go along… You know kinda like the Teabagggers and the Birthers.

Seriously? All fun and jokes aside, what country are we living in right now? Is this a freaking extremist Muslim country where women’s reproductive rights are up for debate amongst a bunch of MEN?? I’m so confused.

So when there is a sudden rise in the number of abused and abandoned babies on Oklahoma, what then? Are these same lawmakers going to sign up to start taking them in? Cause clearly the whole overseas adoption movement is going to hell in a handbasket. Exhibit A: the couple in Virginia Beach who are now suing the nation’s largest adoption agency for sending them another little blond-haired psycho from Russia. Mm-hmm…

Apparently, lil Roman started out as a vision of normalcy. But over the course of six years, he has threatened his the couple’s 5-year old biological daughter with a steak knife and a two-by-four as well as held her underwater in a pool. Oh and did I mention the multiple therapeutic programs that have ejected the future serial killer for kicking, biting, hitting and most recently, on his 8th birthday, pulling out three of his teeth using a pen cap, fork or spoon?

*crickets*

Oh and NOW that the lawsuits are flying, the caseworker finally acknowledges that when she had said the doctor visited orphanages to “see the children” and review pictures, videos and medical information that did not necessarily mean that the doctor had actually examined. Matter of fact, in deposition, the same doctor said he had not practiced medicine for years and was a facilitator for the agency, not a medical screener. Word?

Feel free to throw up as I donate my ENTIRE life savings to Planned Parenthood.

This is really random but… what in the world happened to Jennifer Lopez?

No, not as in what physically happened to her but more like what happened to the IDEA of Jennifer Lopez? You know the unstoppable Latina flygirl who armed with a black girl booty, bedazzled bandanna headbands, and relentless off-key hit songs rode that 6-train till the doors fell off? I’m just saying…

Jenny from the Block was living proof that with the right no-slip double-sided tape anything was possible.

And now what?

Lat year’s highly-anticipated return album went certified double dust (who in the hot hell thought a song reppin’ $900 Louboutin shoes at the height of a freaking recession was a good look??) and her new movie (which I actually kinda thought had a cute premise) straight belly flopped. Oh and let’s not even talk about how her patented moniker got snatched and recycled by greasy looking self-proclaimed guidette, J.Woww.

DEAD FISH EYES
You ain’t hear it from me but, Marc Anthony gots to be the devil.

Oh shoot, oh shoot! I am SO excited, I can hardly type! I just read in the NYT that after a tragic banishment to cable, Friday Night Lights (one of my most favoritest shows EVER) is coming back to NBC for its fourth season!! WOO HOO!!!

Honestly, I don’t even know HOW in the world I fell head over heels in love a show about a small little backwoods town in Texas…

BLANK STARE

Oh wait, yes I do. Smash Williams a.k.a Gaius Charles. Lord have mercy that boy is F-I-N-E. READ: I’d pay to watch this man BREATHE for hours on end if it was an option. *simultaneously fans self and reaches for the wet wipes*Anyhoo, eventually my borderline obsession with ‘Smash’ eventually lead to me getting all caught up in the actual storyline of the show and voila, here we are.

So come May 7th, Jesus be a plateful of warm chocolate chip cookies, glass of cheap red and a comfy seat in the middle of my couch cause it is ON!

Gotta be honest, when I first saw the headlines about Naomi Campbell’s most recent attack my knee jerk reaction was to yawn. Like, so what? Another day, another backhand. It’s freaking Naomi Campbell for God’s sake. She’s probably just off her meds or some such nonsense.


But thanks to the wonders of insomnia, I find myself with the time and energy to find out who caught a bad one. And I gotta say…I’m kinda disgusted with Na-Na for this.

Apparently she slapped a camera out of the hands of the guy who was filming her for ABC News. The reason? The interviewer confronted her about her involvement with the war crimes trial of former Liberian strongman Charles Taylor.

For those who aren’t familiar with Taylor, he is the former President of Liberia and the mastermind behind a civil war that ultimately led to an ethnic conflict of EPIC portions. In addition to embezzlement, this maniac has been accused of the widespread conscription of children as soldiers, assisting rebel forces in Sierra Leone with weapon sales in exchange for blood diamonds, and ordering acts of atrocities against civilians that have left many thousands dead or mutilated, with unknown numbers of people abducted and tortured.

READ: This negro is the mother f’kin’ SPAWN OF SATAN.

But back to Naomi- It looks like back in the day when C.T was the President of Liberia; him, Naomi and her homegirl Mia Farrow were invited to vacay w Nelson Mandela. While there, it’s alleged that dude gave Naomi some ridiculously huge diamond as a token of his affection. Must be nice, huh?

As luck would have it, because of its unique size this particular stone is one of the few with a history that can be traced directly back to the conflict in Sierra Leone and the illegal slave trade. And in essence, send this psycho to jail for life.

But wait on it… ya favorite diva is refusing to testify. Uh-huh, talking about, Mia is a liar (b/c Mia is testifying that Ms. Campbell bragged about the gift at breakfast the morning after), she never received the diamond and further more she’s not going to speak about it. The End. And oh yeah, BAM. She smacked the camera to the floor.

*crickets*

Now, I really, really want to give Na-Na the benefit of the doubt on this and say that she never received any such gift. Cause it’s one this to be a raging, bi-polar, glamazon bitch who truly believes she’s so fabulous she’s above the law. But it’s another thing to aide and abeit a dude that co-signed on training babies to be killers and chopping folks hands off with machetes. So God forbid, if that skinny heifer is just lying to keep in good graces with that uber rich and powerful clique that she runs with…

BLANK STARE

So Obama is in New York City this afternoon, popping off the warning shots at Wall Street bankers and financial industry lobbyists. Interesting. I’ll be curious to see how this one goes over. Although quietly, what I’m really wondering is how many of the execs at Goldman Sachs simply decided to take the day off to avoid the ridiculous amount of gridlock that’s about to shut down lower Manhattan. Since it’s so nice out and they’ve still got those ginormous bonuses to burn anyway… I’m just saying.


DEAD

And not for nothing, I can’t tell you the last time I watched an episode of South Park. To be honest, white frat boy humor has never really been my cup of tea or should I say bottle of beer. But there;s something kind of unsettling about the fact that an episode of a freaking cartoon can cause a terrorist group to issue death threats like they were coupons for Macy’s weekly 1-day sale.

*blank stare with 3 long blinks*

Dear Lord, I’m trying to be a better person in 20100 but there are moments I tell ya… There are moments.