Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

yo, where are his clothes…

By on July 20, 2010 in end of days, i die, it's in the genes, made for the maury show, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Oh. My. GOD. This video is so many things, and every last one a damn shame.

Real talk? Can’t nobody tell me that YouTube wasn’t created by the devil explicitly to drive people to commit social suicide. The. End.

“Can I be the one that hold you dooooown? Can I be the one that hold you doooown? “

Err-um 50 Tyson, wherever your mumble mouth ass is “uptown in Minnesota,” puh-lease stop the madness. Not now but RIGHT now. Sounding like a cross between an severely injured basset hound and a freshly paroled rapist on the prowl… Dude, neither this nor any of the SEVENTEEN other videos you got posted are the business.

Oh and just so you know, I blame the ENTIRE Republican party for this shit right here.

Mmm-hmm… Had they voted to extend jobless aid, this fool could’ve paid somebody to give him a shirt and clue. But no. Instead of looking for a job that requires the intelligence of a 1st grader, this neanderthal is spending his days trolling through the woods, looking like a mentally challenged serial killer, screeching made-up songs and threatening radio station djs.

(And all foolishness aside, this is the kind of illiterate nonsense that those crazy ass TeaBaggers play at their recruitment rallies to get hype. SMH. We have got to do better folks.)

*drops to my knees and prays*

a mouthful…

By on July 19, 2010 in cuteness kills, Mitzi- all day every day

Uuugh, just got the call from the dentist’s office. It’s time for the bi-annual cleaning. FML.


I hate going to the dentist. No, I mean I really, really HATE going to the dentist. Like, I get freaked out from the moment I enter the building until my feet hit the sidewalk on the way home. And please don’t let me me actually need to have something more than a quick cleaning done… Oh uh-uh, more times than I care to share, tears have rolled down my face in that godforsaken office.

DEAD FISH EYES.

And I understand that I should be used to it by now but no matter how hard I try and psyche myself into thinking it’s no big deal, I can’t relax. I just don’t like anyone scraping, scratching and lasering all up in my mouth. Cause not for nothing but the minute they mess up, I gotta walk around a shitty wreck for the next week or so. And I don’t care how apologetic they are, there’s NOTHING worse than when your teeth hurt. You can’t eat, sleep, hear, or even think without being in pain! Sigh.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. I guess I’ll call this chick back and make my appointment. Dammit.

tell the truth, shame da devil…

By on July 15, 2010 in made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Hold up one goddamn minute! Why’d I just hear on the radio that K-Ci and Jo-Jo have a new album AND a reality show coming soon? BLANK STARE. You know what… the Devil is a liar and I will not succumb. Nope, no ma’am I will not. I rebuke this tomfoolery in the name of Dalvin, Devonte and an old school Mary J ass whooping.


*backflips into a bedazzled Walmart casket*

I’m so sorry, but dem two crackheads have been nothing but two strong hits out of a grave for the longest. Exhibit A: the above video clip where Jo-Jo falls the hell out mid-performance and K-Ci kindly steps over that big ass as he continues to wail, OOOOOOOO YEAH!!!

Uh, huh. And you know why? Cause he sees that nigga black out e’ryday and what?

So no. I CANNOT imagine what kind of “hot” new material they could call themselves putting out…. Unless it’s an instrumental album accompanied by sounds of an inhale, choke and cough.

DEAD FISH EYES

SMH. Forget about that Dru Hill nonsense that Keith Sweat is trying to peddle. This right here is about to be a damn shame of Whitney & Bobby epic proportions…

*immediately jots down reminder note to be on the look out for commercials*

paging ted & peggy bundy…

By on July 14, 2010 in desperate cry for help, love be a cellulite cream, made for the maury show

I’m convinced celebrity marriage and divorce are the new American Apparel leggings and off-the shoulder t-shirt.


No, seriously. What else could explain the latest tomfoolery that is Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston’s engagement announcement? Talking about they took Tripp for a walk and voila, they’re back in love. Um, didn’t I JUST see Levi clowning the shit out of the entire Palin pack on Kathy Griffin’s ‘My Life on the D-List’ two seconds ago???

DEAD FISH EYES

And let’s not even get started with Ochocinco’s dating show, The Ultimate Catch. Which for those who missed the hour and a half long premiere it’s basically the 2010 Flavor of Love with a better looking buffoon for these nickel and dime hookers to chase. Mmm-hmm, yeah I said it. The man is a wealthy B-U-F-F-O-O-N.

But regardless of what I think about Chad’s personality and proclivity for coonery, there is one thing that I will commend the Pro-Bowler for- he keeps it 100.
When it comes to dating, there are two things he’s never made any bones about:
1) he not attracted to Black women
2)he’s treats all women like expendable objects

Three days later and I’m still laughing my ass off at the memory of the shocked expression on the faces of all the pretty, young, excited Black girls in the original group of 85 contestants as he walked up and whispered ever ever so gently, “Sweetheart, you’re cut.” You know, like he really cared about their feelings and shit. And then, in the very next breath he green lights this plastic looking white woman who I swear to God/Jehovah/ Allah looks old enough to be his damn mother.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I am so not mad at him. And I don’t think Black women should be either. Nope, not at all. Like my mom always reminded me, why share your toys with someone who doesn’t like you? Fuck that. You don’t want me, I don’t want you. No hard feelings, it is what it is. Onward.

Think of it like this: Now, those same pretty girls can take that all that fresh weave (that probably cost all of of their rent money for the next 2 months) to a club and find a fool who’ll appreciate their $55 metallic spandex pants.

the end of an era…

By on July 13, 2010 in moment of silence

Oh wow, George M. Steinbrenner passed away today.


Say what you want about the man’s personal politics and the ruthless way that he conducted business (i.e. that whole paying a gambler to dig up dirt on Dave Whitfield while he was still on the squad was a lot even for us die hard fans), at the end of the day- the man got it done. Out of a failed sports team and built a championship franchise that while at times may be a little messy (side eyes A-Rod) remains unrivaled.

*tips my fave fitted*

RIP George.

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