As a woman, I’m accustomed to men making unwanted/ uninvited/ inappropriate advances when walking down a NYC street. Normally, I simply charge it to the game and try to remember to return the favor whenever I see a cute construction worker (nothing like a man in a hard hat). But yesterday while running errands on 34th Street with my girl, Rhea this guy damn near drooled on her as we walked past. I kid you not, dude seemed on the verge of taking a bite out of her face.
Granted, Rhea is a head turner any day of the week. She’s one of those rare (and highly annoying) beauties who even on an ‘off’ day, looks more effortlessly pulled together than most women I know. BUT Rhea is six months pregnant!! And in the defense of well-meaning men with normal sensibilities, you’d never know if you were looking at her behind, since she’s having a perfect pregnancy and still regularly rocks 4 inch knee high boots with the aplomb of a beauty queen. But that was not the case yesterday- this weirdo walked right up on us, damn near bumping into a huge display table because he was so busy trying to get all up in her grill. The worst.
Apparently, this has become a common occurrence according to Rhea. Who knew there were so many men with pregnancy fetishes? I mean seriously, even if Rhea wasn’t happily married- which she is- what exactly could she do with this man? Take prenatal yoga classes?
The whole encounter really made me think about the way Seal scooped Heidi Klum when she was knocked up. And moreover, how that woman STAYS getting pregnant. I’m just saying…. If Seal weren’t a star, would he just be one of those leering men tripping over his feet when pregnant lady walks by?
Mitzi Moments
Why is running errands in 20 degree weather so much harder than when it’s warm outside? It’s not like the number of things on the to-do list changes… It hurts to think when I’m this cold. I was wearing no less than 5 layers of clothes and still freezing my behind off. It makes no kinda sense. And even though I was being productive in theory, at the end of the day when I finally dragged my tired, numb butt into my apartment only to discover the 150+ emails waiting in the inbox, I felt like I haven’t done a damn thing worth taking about. SIGH. I need an personal assistant. Pronto.
So there are alot of things that add to New York City’s unique charm. In my humble opinion, topping that list is our city’s rich history. The Big Apple has been around a looooooong time. You can tell by the look, feel and yes, even grime of the city. But hey, it’s my home and I claim it. Couldn’t imagine living anywhere else… except maybe LA for the right upper six-figure deal… but I digress.
What I will not claim is the tomfoolery that is NYC gov’t lame attempt to hold things together with gum and spit. Can someone please explain to me why in the world the roof of this C line subway train barely being held together by simple duct tape that anyone can cop at the local hardware store? WHY? I’m saying, this aint no bottomless pothole that might wreck a car or two. We’re talking about a vechicle for MILLIONS of people. If you ask me, fixing this raggedy roof is probably more important than giving me another $135 parking ticket for parking in front of a fire hydrant for 30 secs while I ran in to but my MegaMillion lotto ticket. I’m just saying… Don’t you think?
Sigh. Let the prayer circle commence.
Ok, my idol/ super tight homegirl/ author extraordinaire Joan Morgan just got back from interviewing Hillary Clinton in New Orleans for vibe.com!!! How fly is that? I swear, when I grow up, I want to be just like Ms.Morgan.
This afternoon I taped an episode of a series entitled, Heavyweights for the Food Network. Which is cool but not half as cool as the conversation that I had with my girl/ favorite make-up artist in the world, Romy while she was figuring out what to do about my face. Romy asserted, “Ex-boyfriends make the best boyfriends.” And I first, I started to disagree but then I had to pause. She’s absolutely right. Who’s boyfriend hasn’t acted 110% better once you cut them off? It’s like add a break-up and they instanly become the man you’ve always wanted. What is that?
‘Cause in my opinion, I have some of best ex-boyfriends in the world. They’re all such a diverse, decent looking, intelligent, personable bunch and for the most part, extremely ‘gifted’ hint, hint.
They know exactly what to say or do to bring a smile to my face. Their timing is impeccable-never forget a birthday, holiday or even favorite color. They’re patient and always so understanding of my little moments/ mini-tempertantrums. And did I mention helpful? An entire relationship can go by and not one offer to pick up some groceries. Let a break-up occur… refrigerator stocked. All the little quirks and bad habits that used to drive me up a wall are so cute…. And then it hits me- all this is possible because they’re busy being somebody else’s problem. Sigh.
I love my ex-boyfriends. Don’t you love yours too?