Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

layovers suck…

By on March 5, 2008 in made for the maury show

Overcast skies delayed my flight out of LaGuardia this morning, and I missed my connection flight by ten freaking minutes! Now I’m stuck in Denver International Airport freezing my behind off for the next three hours!!! As I wonder why the a/c is blasting when it’s barely 20 degrees outside, a white girl walks by wearing flip-flops and all my questions are answered- wallrus skin.

But my hyperthermia is nothing compared to the crazy Senator in Arizona who is trying to make it legal to carry concealed weapons on college campuses. Huh?
According to the New York Times, in response to recent campus shootings “State Senator Karen S. Johnson, has sponsored a bill, which the Senate Judiciary Committee approved last week, that would allow people with a concealed weapons permit — limited to those 21 and older in Arizona — to carry their firearms at public colleges and universities.”
What is this the wild, wild west? The NRA kills me. Literally.
Read the rest of the madness here:

that guy with headband washes my hair…

By on March 4, 2008 in keep hope alive

As many of you know, it takes a lot for me to say a party was jamming on the ones. But my hairdresser Edris THREW DOWN last night at her five-year anniversary party!! (Quietly, the reason I’m posting this late is because I spent the entire day trying to recover from last night.)

When I tell you that I was greeted at the door by a seven foot drag queen whose job it was to deign me officially a fierce bitch before granting access… It was like THAT.
The DJ played all the 80’s classics from Prince to Madonna to Michael to the Eurythmics, everyone was dressed up in eighties attire- fluorescent spandex, dolphin shorts, transvestites and lace gloves galore; breakdancers; a strobe light; celebrity impersonators; open bar and good food. I had so much fun!!!
Why can’t there be good parties every Monday night? Sigh.

the new face of gangbanging…

By on March 4, 2008 in made for the maury show

I have no clue how i missed this story!!! Apparently this Sunday, this white woman, Margaret Seltzer a.k.a Margaret B. Jones just got exposed James Frye style for trying to publish a memoir depicting herself as a half-white, half-Native American girl growing up in South-Central Los Angeles as a foster child among gang-bangers, running drugs for the Bloods.

Come to find out, the WHOLE thing is a freaking lie.
According to the New York Times, this homegirl is “all white and grew up in the well-to-do Sherman Oaks section of Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley, with her biological family. She graduated from the Campbell Hall School, a private Episcopal day school in the North Hollywood neighborhood. She has never lived with a foster family, nor did she run drugs for any gang members. “
Damn Maggie…
Ironically, before being exposed as a fraud, her book, ‘Love and Consequences’ was receiving resounding critical acclaimand on its way to the top of the bestseller list!! Over the three years she worked on the book, Miss Thang was covered in the New York Tmes at least TWICE (um, not to complain but can I even get an honorable mention in that mug?). In her most recent interview (last week) she said,”One of the first things I did once I started making drug money was to buy a burial plot.”
I am ON THE FLOOR.
Guess how she got caught? Wait on it… Her sister saw an article featuring good ole Maggie in the House & Homes section of the New York Times and RATTED her out. Her own sister?
Lord HAF Mercy!!!
But what kills me is that even after getting caught, she’s still trying to justify her actions by insisting that she was simply trying to speak for those people that don’t have a voice. Talking about, “she had met some gang members during a short stint she said she spent at “Grant” high school “in the Valley.”
Uh, survey says- NO.
Read this mess for yourself:

march of the crackheads…

By on March 3, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket

So according to CNN, the first wave of crack convicts eligible for reduced sentences under the new retroactive sentencing reform were released today: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/03/crack.release/index.html?eref=rss_latest

Interesting. I’ll bet wherever he is, Bobby Brown is resting a little easier tonight…
I just have one question, why did CNN decide to wrap up the article with the quote from the wife of a convicted 60-year amputee? Talking about, “He wants to come back to the community. And he also wants to help the community. He plans on doing some paralegal work when he gets out.”
I’m tapped out…

cuteness kills…

By on March 3, 2008 in it's not a game out there

So I went up to Woodstock this past weekend to see my girl Joan perform in the Vagina Monologues. I had a great time. She was totally amazing, the show was really good, and I didn’t even ruin my riding boots in the five inches of snow that fell during the performance. Afterwards we had an old school sleepover where we ate bad food (Burger King was the poison of choice), stayed up as late talking about boys and then woke up to a bright sunny Saturday. I couldn’t ask for more. That is until I boarded the bus to head back down to the city and realized somewhere along the line I’d misplaced my earmuffs. And just that quick, I went from shiny happy people to damn near suicidal.

Why? Because those were my only pair of earmuffs left for this season (yes, I already lost a pair a couple of months back). And if you take one look at my picture, its pretty safe to say that there’s no hat in the entire world that’s fitting over that head of hair. What in the world was I going to do for the next three months without something to cover my ears? As visions of self-imprisonment floated through my head, I remembered that I’m going skiing in Tahoe on Wednesday!! At that point, I was literally in tears.

As soon as the bus pulled into the Port Authority, I bolted to Macys on 34th Street (a.k.a Dante’s Inferno on a Sat afternoon). Praying the whole way- dear God, it’s me Mitzi. I know its March 1st but puh-LEASE let there still be earmuffs available. PUH-lease! Apparently God was on a cigarette break, because when I got to Macys, the section formerly dedicated to hats, gloves scarves and most importantly, earmuffs is now converted to the sunglasses nook. All i could think was, there was a freaking snowstorm last night!!! Is anybody besides Diddy a.k.a Leader of the ‘I Wear My Sunglasses At Night’ movement ready for sunglasses yet?

Certain that a nervous breakdown was near, I called my girl Rhea who like any good pregnant lady was home doing her hair on a Sat afternoon. And she suggested I try Paragon sports in Union Square. Thank god for my friends.

Not only did Paragon have earmuffs, they were having a snow sale so almost everything skiing related was discounted. HAAA-LELUJAH, HAAA-LELUJAH, halelujah, halelujah!!!

Have you ever been so relieved to find something that you started crying when the sales person shows you that the store has them in stock? Well that was me. I swear the poor salesgirl must of thought I was a psycho the way I started blubbering my thanks. Sigh. Yes, I am so many things… but none of them cold.

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