Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

cuteness kills…

By on March 13, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket

So in yet another valiant crusade in the constant battle against my cellulite, my bright-butt decided to go join a 6.30am bootcamp style workout class. Why God, why?

Aside from the fact that I have to wake up at 5.30 am four days a week (do you even know what 5.30am looks like? Didn’t think so.); I am so sore and tired there are no words to express how I feel. Let me put it in perspective- I hurt like a tractor-trailer hit me, ran over my body and then backed up on top for good measure. Watching me creep around my apartment trying to move as few body parts as possible-moaning every step of the way-is nothing short of tragic. I’d laugh to keep from crying but it hurts too much.
Quite frankly, the only things that keep me going (besides the aspirin I’ve been poppin’ like green M&Ms) are 1) I know this program works. It’s actually my third time ‘enlisting’ and the results are UNDENIALABLE and 2) the super cute bikini I bought at the end of last season. If my wobbly bootie can’t fit into that miniscule piece of fabric come Memorial Day weekend, I’m going to be one sad black girl. You see the vision?

silda ain’t the only one runnin’ to the clinic…

By on March 12, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket

With the whole country fixated on Elliot Spitzer’s inevitable ho scandal train wreck, it was easy to almost overlook the latest disheartening medical revelation announced on Reuters.com yesterday: A Quarter of U.S. Teen Girls Have An STD.

With the highest rate among Blacks (big surprise there-not), turns out that according to the Center for Disease Control, “An estimated 3.2 million U.S. girls ages 14 and 19 — about 26 percent of that age group — have a sexually transmitted infection such as the human papillomavirus or HPV, chlamydia, genital herpes or trichomoniasis.”
14 years old!?!?!? Um is it now safe to say that the whole “teach abstinence” movement is a crock of shit? I’m just saying.
Perhaps the only thing halfway amusing about the article was the fact that they opted to use white teenagers in the lead photo. Way to be PC.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUKN1157399920080311?feedType=nl&feedName=ukmorningdigest

PS, check out the how the coverage in the NYT emphasizes the African American teen issue v. Reuters (a British company) whose focus was on the girls as a single group.
God bless America!

guess who’s having the best week ever….

By on March 12, 2008 in made for the maury show

Can the church get an amen? The State of New York is about to swear in it’s first African American Governor ever thanks to Elliot ‘I-like-it-unprotected’ Spitzer’s high-priced booty calls. AND he’s legally blind?!? Right about now, racists all over Howard Beach are crying into their canolis!

But on a serious tip? Am I the only one who thinks Elliot Spitzer’s resignation is a waste? An amazing political career destroyed, and for what? Just ’cause the man likes to have unprotected sex… with strangers… and pay them for it? SO? At least he paid ‘Kristen’ well- according to AOL news, his standing account with the escort service totaled somewhere around $80,000. Might I remind you, all Ms. Monica got was a dry cleaning bill.
As for the whole ‘prostitution-is-wrong’ backchat, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not my business who wants to pay for sex. As long as it’s not with an underaged child, some poor Indonesian sex slave or my own man doing it; the phrase that pays is: MIND YA BUSINESS.
Besides, how much you want to wager almost all the high-and-mighty folks so eagerly calling for Big E’s resignation have had an extramarital affair, frequented the champagne room in a stripclub or are clients their damn selves?

my buttbone hates snowboarding…

By on March 10, 2008 in keep hope alive

But we absolutely adore Bridget and Karmen (respectively), my two new pinktoe lesbian friends that I picked up on my trip to Tahoe. Aren’t they the cutest couple?
These two were non-stop hilarity the entire four days. Allegedly, they were out in Tahoe filming an episode for their new online show on LOGO.com. But if what they were doing is work, I need to switch my gender preference immediately. And yes, I made several guest appearances in hopes of increasing my dating market share- JUST KIDDING!!!
But really, I did get into nothing but straight tomfoolery with these two as we valiantly attempted and failed miserably to learn how to snowboard at Mt, Rose(at least Karmen and I failed. Bridget that bee-yatch managed to leave us behind flat on our butts in the snow). I personally blame it on our bootleg instructor Aaron who totally pushed poor Karmen down the hill backwards when he got distracted by a cute girl passing by. She almost died-swear to god
Thankfully, we made up for our pathetic showing on the slopes with a bomb day of skiing at Northstar (which a ka-billion times better slopes than Mt. Rose) and riding the snowmobiles. Kinda of a cross between riding a horse and a motorcross, it’s officially my new favorite way of getting around in the snow (even if the helmet smushed my hair into a mushroom). For the record, anytime 40 miles an hour feels like 90mph, I’m pleased. Sigh. The cold is good.

home sweet home….

By on March 10, 2008 in tapped out

Don’t you hate it when things become predictable? I mean seriously, I’m away for four days- OF COURSE there’s going to be a major water leak in my kitchen while I’m gone (refer to earlier post). Why wouldn’t there be?
So like clockwork, I call my building super first thing Monday morning to come and replaster the now sagging ceiling. Mind you, I make it my business to point out where my light fixture has obviously started to come off of the ceiling from the water damage. Note the word, started. As in if you do something now, it might be prevented.
Well as you can see from the picture, I speak another language. I mean, I must. Because not even fifteen minutes after that slow-eye, no repair skill having, midget of a man walked out my door the damn light fell down!!!
But wait on it- cause there’s always more…
When the light fell, rat FECES tumbled out from the ceiling and all over my floor. What in the third-world hell? Perhaps I should just be thankful a mice didn’t fall down too, huh?
Anybody got a good realtor?

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