Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

and the heat comes up…

By on October 21, 2008 in it's not a game out there

Oh my god, is it just me or has the temperature dropped like 20 degrees in 2 minutes?? I always know that it’s officially winter when instead of sunshine on my face the sound of the extra loud hood radiator spewing project heat wakes me up in the mornings. Sigh… thermal underwear, dry skin, and sporadic nose bleeds soon come. Don’t be jealous.

But to be honest, I knew this moment was coming a couple of nights ago when I was standing around in some BK bar celebrating my Harlem homegirl/ workout partner Sharae’s dirty 30th bday and it was FREEZING inside there. I mean seriously? Why was it cold inside the spot? When good company and a couple glasses of cheap champagne don’t help to warm me up in the middle of a relatively full room of people (what you know about that Andre Champagne??), there’s freaking problem. I guess this is why so many folks get pregnant during the winters. ‘Cause mark my words- can’t nothing good happen outside the crib when it’s cold.

Stay warm people. Oh and if you get sick, no offense but puh-lease stay away from me.

i don’t know you like that…

By on October 20, 2008 in Uncategorized

So funny, back in the day I was right there with the 20% of the folks bringing home every new person that they were dating within the first 3 months. Seemed like every Juan, Rick and Lamar rolled into Elsa’s crib to say hello and give her a chance to lay eyes on them. But I had to cut that little habit out quick fast and in a hurry when my dearly beloved mother started unapologetically mixing up names, talking ’bout, “But Mitzi, you bring so many. How am I supposed to know?” Jesus.

So nowadays, like 45% of you, I’m all about the 6 months waiting period. That gives the boy just enough time to ditch the perfect ‘representative’ that shows up to wine and dine you for the first 3-5 months of the relationship (you know the period when he’s absolutely perfect until he gets comfortable) and Elsa just enough time to forget the ex’s name.

How-some-ever, as I get older, I swing more and more towards the more secretive side of the pendulum. And like the 25%, I’m starting to believe that there’s no need for anyone new to meet my people until after a year. Cause really, it’s hard out here. And hearing my mom tell me that there’s “something she doesn’t trust” about every single guy I bring around can be a little frustrating. It’s like, damn Elsa can’t you like anybody??

But there is a limitation to the stupidity. And I don’t know about the 10% of you who are waiting until there’s a ring. What if the person turns out to be a long lost relative or something? So now you’re kissing cousins? That’s so coal miner’s daughter… Or worse, the creep who’ll steal all our money and jilt you at the alter? Had your mom seen him/ her earlier, they probably could’ve foreseen all that. ‘Cause you know parents are ALWAYS right.

the real reason they created restraining orders…

By on October 17, 2008 in feedback

I know, I know, this poll question seemed like a no-win situation. Because realistically, for the majority of us bad credit and crazy co-parents are as my girl Nikki put it, “the equal deal breakers.”
But sometimes in life, we gotta make the hard choices… And don’t act like you haven’t run up on the cutie that made you want to change your religion until he/she explained that they can’t even purchase a new cell phone without a freaking $1500 security deposit or that the real reason they have 7 bolt locks on the door is b/c the ex keeps kicking it in. Mmm-hmmm…

Ultimately, it seems that if absolutely forced to make a choice, 54% of you considered crappy credit to be the worse of the two evils. Clearly current economic concerns are making us say “no thank you” to more than that new pair of Manolos, huh? Well, like that old R&B song said- ‘ain’t nothing going on without the rent.’ And quietly, nowadays you won’t even qualify to view let alone rent that exclusive Riverside Drive duplex penthouse suite, without stellar credit. Shoot, we can always lock up your ex but I ain’t got 10 years to wait on you to get your car out of your auntie’s name.

For the 46% willing to hire a fantastic financial advisor and hold your boo down till that money gets right, kudos. I definitely understand why you put your foot down on the crazy co-parent. Don’t nobody need the phone ringing all times of the night or want folks jumping out of bushes kamakazi style. Sometimes there’s just not enough room or group therapy in the world for three adults in one relationship. Unlike the terrorists who consider suicide bombing a ticket to heaven… everybody ain’t able.

home sweet home…

By on October 16, 2008 in why we as a people can't get ahead

Ruby keeps peeing on my doormat.

My next door neighbor owns this unruly little chihuahua named Ruby who apparently thinks my doormat is her tinkle spot. Sigh.
Gladys keeps trying to convince me that Ruby does this because she loves me. But somehow, I’m not buying that. Although I guess it could be worse… I could live 3 doors down where the doorway is apparently her poop drop. I wonder how Ruby feels about them?

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Gross. Why doesn’t she just buy herself a new mat and keep it moving?” But let me ask you this, what’s the point of replacing it if Ruby is just going to strike again?? Huh, Sherlock?

My mom is always advising me, “Mitzi, you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Fine. So I won’t go over there and shake the fire outta the little monster. (insert pout) But I am gonna need to figure out exactly how to diplomatically explain to my beloved neighbor- ’cause lord knows I love me some nosey Gladys who stays running off to a bingo game leaving behind her kindergarten dropout grandson, trifling 33 year-old son and the zoo of wild animals (she’s got 2 dogs, 3 cats, a snake, mice, birds, fish and a turtle in her tiny 2-bedroom apartment)- that this little habit of Ruby’s is not hot. At all.

Pray for me please.

throwing the baby out…

By on October 15, 2008 in feedback

When it comes to making the magic happen, it seems I’m not the only who thinks the second time had better be the charm. According to the first poll of the week, 44% of you were more than okay with cutting a partner off if the sex was still wack after an initial botched performance.

Interestingly, 33% admitted that you’d hang in between 3 to 9 attempts… Hmm, I wonder whether you’re the “talk it through-teach him/her what I like” kinds? And if so, how’s that really going for ya?

And God bless, the 16% of you who don’t think sex is important enough to end a good relationship over. Either you got a mean hand/toy game or your nerves are way better than the mine…

But hands down, three snaps in a circle for the 5% of you who were over it after the initial encounter. And my friends think I have little patience for mediocrity. You yes, are my heroes.

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