Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

3 miles is mad far…

By on December 9, 2008 in it ain't easy, love be a cellulite cream, using our powers for good

Ever complain about something so much, the very sound of your own voice starts to become annoying? Well that’s exactly the point my girl Toya and I reached about our recent “I’m so happy all I do is eat” weight gain last week Wednesday.

Cause truth be told, most folks battle with those annoying ‘last 5 lbs’ when life is good. But that 7th or 8th pound? Those are beyond annoying. Those are the straight game changers. Let me explain: With 5lbs, your jeans might rub btwn the thighs and leave embarrassing indenture marks on your waist. With an extra 8lbs, your ass is popping buttons and begging the doctor to deduct a pound from the scale for the paper gown and sweat socks! See? It’s too much.
I know, I know, in the grand scheme of things, 8 lbs is nothing when people everywhere are dealing with much more serious weight/ health issues. Look at poor Oprah for Chrissake… all that money and home girl is tipping the scale at 200lbs??? Uh, uh you got more people than this O. Speaking of which, where is Gail? Why isn’t her trifling behind taking the cookies out of the cupboard? But I digress.
I assure you, this is bigger than simple vanity. This is really about being a bunch of lazy cheap asses. Hoenstly, with the economy going down the shitter, who da hell has the extra $175 to replace a pair of jeans just cause you couldn’t say no to that chocolate souffle at Campo? Mmm-hmmm, I didn’t think so.
With that said, Toya and I came up with the bright idea to train for a 5K run. We figure if there’s something to accomplish, we’ll stay on our workout/ better eating habit regiment forreal, forreal this time. Sounds believable, right?
Well here’s the thing, she and I are both instant gratification whores that can’t wait longer than two seconds or we’re off the little red wagon. So we’ve decided to stage our very own race and even picked a date (drumroll, please)- THIS Saturday, December 16th.
Yes, you read that correctly. 10 days from the initial conversation and a mere 2 days from now, Toya, myself and I about six other mutual girlfriends who generally only run to sample sales and from the rain after getting the hair did (you didn’t really think we were going to put ourselves through this craziness alone did you??) will be running/ walking/ dragging our behinds around NYC’s Central Park Resevoir in the freezing cold in the 1st ever Race To Save Our Thighs 5K Run to raise awareness to the fact that cuteness kills.
You love it, right?

need to start using that tivo…

By on December 9, 2008 in it's not a game out there

So funny, I was just thinking how much I missed watching The Wire. Lord knows, I lived for those last two seasons!

And then, the NYT news alert about Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich being arrested and charged with corruption, including an allegation that he conspired to profit from his authority to appoint President-elect Barack Obama’s successor in the United States Senate popped up in the ever full inbox. Go figure.

So according to the 76-page affidavit, this dude was “heard on wiretaps over the last month planning to “sell or trade Illinois’ United States Senate seat vacated by Pres-elect Barack Obama for financial and personal benefits for himself and his wife.” And he got extra, extra gangster with the press, threatening “to withhold state assistance from the Tribune Company, the publisher of the Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times, which filed for bankruptcy on Monday.” Why? Because according to the feds, “Mr. Blagojevich wanted members of the Tribune’s editorial board, who had criticized him, to be fired before he extended any state assistance.” Word? It’s like that?

Poor pinktoe, did you not learn anything from Avon Barksdale?

lookin for a four-leaf clover…

By on December 9, 2008 in feedback

One of my least favorite sayings in the world is: Ain’t nothing worth having ever come easy.

WHY NOT? Why can’t I get rich without trying? Why won’t this article write itself? Why can’t I meet the perfect partner, get married and live happily ever after? Why can’t I have thighs of steel without stepping foot in that stinky New York Sports Club gym ever, ever, ever again? Huh, dammit? (insert moment of silence for me to cut the crap and pull myself together).

Okay so now that I have that out of my system, can we talk about the 26% of you guys in relationships with people who, that if circumstances were ideal, you might not share a cup of coffee with let alone have sex? Good grief, this is just so depressing to me. I mean I hear you with the whole, “real relationships require work and compromise.” But seriously?

Perhaps (and I’m quite sure I have an ex or two that’d agree), I’m still deep in my selfish stage… but is it really better to be with Mr. Whatever than Mr. He Works-It-Out?

Like seriously, are the 53% of us holding out for the fairytale bugging? It’s okay, you can tell us. Even if we are; I know I’m trying to get into as much tomfoolery as possible while in this blissful state of denial. Cause there’s nothing worse than the miserable single chick. It’s like for all that , you might as well go ahead and settle down with the whatever approaches you on the next trip to the grocery store (’cause you know nothing says come and get it, like a ratty pair of sweats and dingy head scarf).

As for 20% of you who swear that you’ve found your soul mates- dirty drawers and all- Can you please stop being so stingy with the info? How did you do it? Where did you go? And did you see unicorns while you were there? No sir, I’m just playing.

its all so clear…

By on December 8, 2008 in keep hope alive

Oh now, I get it…

The real reason that Lord wasn’t there to grant Plaxico the commonsense of a 5th grader, save OJ from himself or even prevent ole boy from smacking the taste outta his girlfriend’s mouth with a greasy burger? Because he was busy picking out his matching gators and bowler hat for the pimp suit ensemble that he planned to wear to the Sunday service at Greater Grace Temple; a Pentecostal church in Detroit. Cause according to the New York Times, Greater Grace placed not one but THREE SUVs on the alter… ‘Cause they were praying for a bailout.

WORK IT OUT Jesus.

does the cheese make it worse…

By on December 8, 2008 in made for the maury show

You know some crimes are just so ridiculous you can’t really take them seriously. Picture this:

A couple driving down the road gets into an arguement. What about? oh, I don’t know. Let’s say she asked him to turn right and he kept going straight. And she gets pissed cause she’s tired of going in circles. Anyhoo, to show how sick of his directionally challenged ass she is, she goes ahard tosses the 99 cent Super value drink he just bought out the window. Sidebar: You like how I filled in the story with my own color commentary, right?

In response, this fool back hands homegirl with a CHEESEBURGER. Then wait on it… He pulls over, yanks that butt out the car and proceeds to slap her silly with the aforementioned burger.

O- MI-GOD. Can you please imagine driving by and witnessing this craziness? Or worse, being the police officer that had to keep a straight face while the victim explained what had hapened to her???
LORD, come get your children.

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