Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

i want the double-reinforced ones…

By on January 5, 2009 in pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, that sense of entitlement

Wow, I just read the most random and utterly depressing news- Waterford Wedgewood has filed for bankruptcy. Good god, that company has set the standard in fine chine and crystal wares for like forever. And just like that it’s a wrap. Dayum…

I swear, at the rate things are going everybody’s wedding registry will request paper plates, plastic forks and those big red solo cups. Yeah, I said it.

too grown for the walk of shame…

By on January 5, 2009 in feedback

In general, I find Monday mornings can be difficult. But the first Monday after the end of the year holidays is absolutely the worst! It’s like there’s all this pressure to get your life started on the right track ASAP or you risk being a total failure for the rest of the year. It’s crazy, right?

Luckily for my mazy butt, over the break, I was slacking on the posting game, so I have lots of old polls to discuss. Mmm-hmm, bet you thought I forgot about the whole “are you still down for a one night stand” question that I asked a trillion moons ago. Not so fast you sluts! LOLOL.
Actually the phrase sluts might be a bit of an exaggeration. Turns out that only 31% of you guys are still down for the one-time anonymous jump-off. Guess all that spontaneity went the way of that morning after STD tests for the remaining 69% huh?
But I have to say, I’m not surprised. I don’t care how “safe” you think you’re being if you’re having intimate relations-at least if they’re any good-there’s gonna be some sort of body fluid contact. What if god forbid you’re that random 1% that gets knocked up or worse… Remember the oozing sores and cauliflower penises from those awful health class STD films? So nasty.
I admit, it probably seems like I suffer from a bit paranoid but shoot, if a Black man can become President anything can happen. Elsa’s daughter did not make it this many years to turn around and become the senseless Maury statistic… period.
And seriously, you know that no matter how much you might intend for it to remain a one-night stand- with all the advances in modern day technology can’t nobody truly disappear nowadays. Knowing my crazy dating karma, I’d finally meet someone worth talking about and get caught out for screwing one of his homeboys two years ago on a girl’s getaway weekend to Puerto Rico when he posts pictures of us up on Facebook?? Talking about, my homeboy from third grade said that he knows you… Uh-uh, no puedo.

we made it…

By on January 2, 2009 in it's not a game out there, keep hope alive, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

In case I haven’t gotten around to speaking to you personally, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! My 2009 bring you and yours continued health, happiness and prosperity! (And yes, there was silly string at the NYE party!)

And in the spirit of the new year here the single resolution that I hope we will ALL keep:
NO more belly-aching or complaining.
If a Black man named freaking Barack Obama could figure out how to get elected to the Presidential office of this crazy ass country then there is NO EXCUSES for why WE all can’t succeed at whatever our hearts desire.

LET’S GET IT POPPIN’ PEOPLE!!

let the countdown begin…

By on December 30, 2008 in cuteness kills, made for the maury show, tapped out, too old for the road

Anyhoo, as usual, in the last 48 hours of the year I am running around trying to do all the things that should’ve been accomplished in the past 363 days. I’m trying to make returns, drop-offs at the Goodwill, find a new desk, clean the apartment from top to bottom, workout and of course, find the perfect dress for New Year’s Eve.

Which is exactly why instead of peacefully enjoying my “stay-cation” inside my apartment, I was out in the streets and visually assaulted at every turn with what I consider the biggest fashion offense of the year- rib-cage length cropped winter coats and sweater (a.k.a. the reinvented shrug). Yeah I said it. That bullshit needs to GO.

Seriously, what the hell is the purpose of this half assed cover-up? Especially when it’s your winter coat?? Just so I’m clear- you’ve got the long sleeves and and hood with the fur but not the actual coat part? Call me anal but doesn’t that defeat the purpose of the coat concept? Wait, lemme guess, only your boobs get cold in the winter?
I can’t.
And for the record, at five feet flat, I’m a huge fan of the standard waist-length cropped coats/ jackets/ sweaters/whatever. But NO ONE looks good in those Forever 21/ 5-7-9/ Marshalls bargain bin specials.

I don’t care if you’re not “fat” or eventechnically “chubby”- if you ain’t anerexic or rocking the certified six-pack, your stomach will poke out from under that mess. It will jiggle when you walk. It is sloppy and yes, you do look a hot ass mess.

Let the prayer circles commence, I’m tagging out.

don’t mess w her man…

By on December 29, 2008 in going to hell in a handbasket, honorary white woman, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

God bless her heart, over the past eight years, Condoleezza Rice has never ceased to amaze. Talk about the forreal, forreal bottom chick, she holds dumbass W. DOWN!

Her ability to consistently turn a blind-eye to the atrocities of the current Bush administration are damn near unrivaled: Ridiculous tax breaks for the wealthy? Yup. Multiple cases of genocides around the world? Forget it. Spy on US citizens and torture prisoners for fun? Let’s do it. Invade a bunch of countries for kicks? I wanna jump out the plane after you. Sit back and watch thousands of Americans die in New Orleans? I’ll be in Sergio Rossi picking up those red pumps you like to see me in.

I mean, even poor Colonel Powell had to cry mercy, blame his wife and bail the hell out of the shit show.

But not Condoleezza. No maam. Ms. Rice is absolutely determined to take it to the finish line talking about “experts criticizing Bush “aren’t very good historians” and “people will soon thank George Bush for what he’s done.” Really Condi??? So this is how you want to go down in history? Sigh.

I swear, they don’t make ‘em like this anymore…

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