Mitzi Moments

Mitzi Moments

sounds like a Sarah Palin situation…

By on February 17, 2009 in it's in the genes, pocket full of dirty tissue

Ok, so I’m doing my morning troll thru the headlines and came across this breaking news story about a random 12 year-old British boy named Alfie who “thought it would be a good idea to have a baby” and knocked up some dingbat 14 year-old chick named Chantelle from around his way.

Apparently there’s all this shock and outrage because these poor (literally and figuratively) children were unsupervised and having sex at such a young age. And wait on it, now all the girl’s neighbors are dry snitching on the parents, talking about, “They let the kids run wild on the street until all hours, they have no control over them.” You don’t say?

Last time I checked, there were more than enough 13 and 14 year-olds in the United States knocked up or pushing a stroller around the hood. And if the Jerry Springer show’s consistent top teir ratings are any indication, there are probably 3x as many undocumented cases in the countless middle America trailer parks.

Call me jaded but exactly what’s the big deal here? Maybe it’s just a slow news day…

nice to be noticed…

By on February 17, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day

Guess what? Someone (besides my mom and cousin Vee) thinks my moments are entertaining and worth reading. Mm-hmm… According to Tamstyles of the ‘Get It Girl Style’ blog and I offically made the list for her Top 5 Blogs because MM delivers it to readers ‘raw and organic.’ That’s quite the compliment, huh?

Check out who else made Tam’s list here:

education changes lives..

By on February 17, 2009 in feedback

So it turns out that 78% of you guys are more than willing to take a class to improve your oral sex skills. Yay way to show enthusiasm ladies!! I say, more efficient and better blowjob techniques for everyone! But on the forreeal, forreal, I sincerely hope that some of these positive responses came from the men as well (surprise, surprise boys have mitzimoments too). Because lord knows, over the years I’ve certainly come across more than my fair share of negroes that weren’t hitting on nada in the oral department. And that right there is the WORST- all that pulling and tugging and slopping and acting crazy, when the reality is you’re just staring at the ceiling wishing it would be the hell over before he tears something important… Mm-hmm, matter of fact, make that the ABSOLUTE WORST.

I’m really curious about the 27% who think that their skills are good enough for what you’re trying to do. Okay, bump the word curious; I’m SCARED of ya’ll. Cause in the times we live, I don’t know if I could just sit back and relax on the skill set I already have. Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me but I just think that especially when it comes to ‘relations’, you’re only as good as your last Big-O. So if the classes are available (and they so are: http://www.babeland.com/), why not keep reaching for your inner porn star?

*Unless of course your head game is SOSOSOSO tight you can suck a spit ball back into your mouth after shooting it halfway across the room. Then by all means, let me shut da hell up and mind my what? Business.

lather, rinse, repeat…

By on February 13, 2009 in made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Oh RayJ. Sigh.

Of all the random low-life folks being given a dating reality show, YOUR dumbass is the one that gets caught up in a paternity suit? Seriously? And to make matters worse, its the chick with the big ass tattoo on her face nicknamed ‘Danger’? I can’t.
But wait on it… Somehow or another (’cause miracles and mindblowing BJs do really exist), this low-rent Mel B has now managed to become engaged to Nick Cannon’s brother, Gabriel. Which brings me to the most shocking part of this post- who da hell knew Nick Cannon even had a brother???
Uugh, it’s all so dirty. Excuse me while I go take a shower.

time to upgrade…

By on February 11, 2009 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Is it bad that I feel more relieved than not to be single this Valentine’s Day? ‘Cause it’s true. Call me cheap but I don’t wanna spend money on anyone besides myself right about now- especially since there’s this pair of hot pink mirrored Louboutins that I’ve been eyeballing like our country is not in a freaking recession and they don’t cost more than a month’s rent. Sigh.

But if I was caught up in this year’s Hallmark holiday craziness, you know what I would be asking for, right?? Some freaking private cooking classes! Mmm-hmmm, you read that right. All Mitzi wants for V-Day is for somebody else to pay for me to turn how to really, really burn in the kitchen.

Don’t get it twisted, push come to shove I can handle the must-haves: a juicy steak, succulent salmon, banging fried chicken, etc. But in addition to pleasing the hell out of my own greedy self, I wanna learn how to make that ignorant restaurant level type meal to impress the boys. ‘Cause we all know, being able to cook damn near triples your worth on the relationship market.
So if you actually have a loved one or simply love yourself, let me recommend a gift that will keep on giving- private cooking lessons w the Yum Yum Chefs http://www.yumyumchefs.com/. These folks are the TRUTH. They’re young, fun and will help you turn it out for under $100 per person, just give them a call. Oh and did I mention they also make these AMAZING cupcakes? Sigh, we LOVE.

Just don’t forget to invite me over for dinner afterwards…

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