Mitzi Moments

Category: made for the maury show

it’s never that hot…

By on July 31, 2008 in made for the maury show

We are offically living in the end of days…
So apparently there’s a chlorine resistant parasite that’s contaminating water parks and pools nationwide. It’s called cryptosporidium, aka crypto. It can make you sick for up to two weeks with nausea, vomiting, headaches, stomach cramps and diarrhea. But wait on it… the parasite lives in fecal matter. Which means the water is being contaminated by babies pooping in the pool, people not properly wiping their butts after taking a dump and kids with diarrhea getting into the water. EEEEEEWWWWWWWAAAA!!!!!!

Check out the tips that the CDC recommends to reduce contamination:

Tips for All Swimmers
1. Don’t swim when you have diarrhea.
2. Don’t swallow pool water.
3. Shower before swimming and wash your hands after using the toilet or changing diapers.
Tips for Parents
1. Take kids on bathroom breaks or check diapers often.
2. Change diapers in a bathroom and not poolside.
3. Wash children thoroughly, especially near the rear end, with soap and water before swimming.

I have always been a little squemish when I see a kid or worse a baby swimming in a pool. But this is like a straight, ‘what’s grosser than gross’ joke.
Read it for yourself:
http://news.aol.com/health/article/pools-and-water-parks-battle-parasite/109851?icid=200100397x1206841344x1200352618

so much for that bright idea…

By on July 29, 2008 in made for the maury show

One of my many dreams is to own a beautiful, spacious three bedroom condo on warm-weathered waterfront property. I’ve been reluctant to narrow it down to a specific city because I like the two front runners-Florida and Claifornia-almost equally. But after today’s earthquake…. Um not so much. 5.4 magnitude? No maam, you can keep that. I got enough crap to worry about…

Like the AIDS rate among African-Americans rivaling that of certain African COUNTRIES. What in the world?? According to a new report released today and reported on by CNN; “if black Americans made up their own country, it would rank above Ethiopia (420,000 to 1,300,000) and below Ivory Coast (750,000) in HIV population. Both Ethiopia and the Ivory Coast are among the 15 nations receiving funds from the President’s Emergency Plan For Aids Relief.” Are you serious?
The report goes on to highlight a 24 year-old woman who contracted AIDS at the age of 19. She said she contracted the virus the one time she had unprotected sex with her boyfriend. They were in a monogamous relationship. I. Can’t.

Please read the article for yourself and then go buy that economy pack of condoms. ‘Cause the way things are going, folks are really going to have to start doubling up:

jj is coming…

By on July 15, 2008 in made for the maury show

So by my own doing, this Saturday afternoon I’m gong to babysit my genius (see earlier post for proof) godson John Jr. Now for those of you who know me, this is HUGE. I do not, I reapeat, I do not mess with children. If you can’t clearly explain to me what’s bothering you, what you need and how I can make it better then I am a hopeless mess. Hence, I can only blame my offer to watch JJ on my own without supervision (that’d be supervision of me) on some unexplainable surge of hormones. Fingers crossed, it won’t happen again dammit.

OK, JJ’s arrival is four days away and I’m already a complete wreck. I’m looking around my one-bedroom apartment and trying to figure out how in the world there’s going to be enough space for me, Drama and a three year old boy. You know my anti-social dog requires her own room at all to herself. Not to mention, his mom has him on this healthy food regiment… Something tells me Minute Maid friut punch, Doritos and a Happy Meal don’t exactly fit the menu.
Worse comes to worse, I guess I’ll take him next door to play with my neighbor’s crazy grandson Nathanial. Who at the ripe young age of five is showing all the marking of a future corner boy- god bless his heart. But hey, you’re never too young to learn how to shoot dice and swear in Spanish, right?

you thought young buck sucked…

By on June 24, 2008 in made for the maury show

Ok, this is a horrible, horrible thing to admit but since we’re amongst friends I’ll just say it. The video of Shaq’s freestyle rhyme breaking on lame ass Kobe Bryant is HILARIOUS!!!!

OMG, Shaq looks like a drunken mess (I hope he’s drunk and not just a mess), bragging about stuff no one cares about, calling himself BIG Shaq and crying and complaining about getting kicked off the Lakers what, a hundred years ago? But wait on it…the icing on the cake, taunting Kobe like a child on a playground? “Kobe, tell me how my ass taste?” Fifty bucks says that’s the new quote of the summer- Take notes Lil’ Wayne.

I’m sorry but I must share:

jilly from philly was really cool…

By on June 20, 2008 in made for the maury show

I wrote a story on Jill Scott for Metro newspaper. It ran today but since I have yet to leave my house, I doubt I’ll obtain get a hard copy. Oh well.

Gotta admit, I didn’t have any expectations when I got the assignment (except the check). But I’m pleased to say, I really liked Ms. Scott. As I told my girl Lisa, it’s nice to know that whenever we manage to get famous we’ll be able to remain good people as well. Ha!
Check me out:

I know this is all late but am I the only one who thinks Lil’ Wayne is marginally talented and extremely annoying? So his album sold a million in the first week- what else was there for people to buy and let’s not forget, southerners are always very loyal to their artists. Initially, I was jsut going to keep my opinion to myself- that whole positive, optimistic and open to my blessings philosopohy thing I’m trying. But when I hear critics predicting that this may go down as one of the greatest rap albums of all times… Oh hell-to-the-naw! That drug addicted fool can barely conjugate a verb and like my favorite morning show host, Miss Jones so eloquently said, it ain’t nothing but a bunch nursery school rhymes. I am so sick of hip-hop.

too educated for my own good…

By on April 23, 2008 in made for the maury show

Okay, so I actually made it to the gym yesterday (woo hoo, go me). And while running to my death on the treadmill, guess what played on the 80s mix channel? Janet Jackson’s video for ‘Nasty Boys’!! Can I tell you I almost fell off the machine in glee? Remember how DOPE Janet used to be when you could actually understand the words coming out of her mouth? “No, my first name ain’t Baby. it’s Janet. Mz. Jackson if you nasty!”-wet n’ wild weave, shoulder pads, hammer pants and all (bonus points for Paula Abdul sitting in the semi-dark movie theater working that little neck like a straight chicken)! LOVES IT!!!

Then I arrive home and there’s an email from my girl Nicole-which is normally never a bad thing. Inside the email is a link to the “latest underground urban hit.” according to Perez Hilton. Notice, I say that with quotes… It’s entitled, Smell Yo D*ck. I know, I know, the title alone should’ve been enough to keep me from clicking, but like any good train wreck, I had to check it out. Dear God.
Am I old? Or is it that I have too much home training? Okay, seriously? Is this even music? And then folks wonder why there are days that I have to disassociate from the ‘urban’ contingency completely. I abhor ignorance.
Question, will YOU be jammin’ on the ones to this the next time I see you in da club?

can’t nothing good happen in oregon…

By on April 1, 2008 in made for the maury show

So when I first read about a trangender man named Thomas Beatie allegedly being five months pregnant on http://www.vibe.com/, I have to say I didn’t really believe it. Especially since they had video footage from a local news channel that debunked the claim homeboy/girl originally made in The Advocate. But now, Mama Oprah herself is about to get involved!!!
Apparently Tommy Boy is very much knocked up and planning to give birth to a little girl in July. The Big O interviewed dude’s wife (yes he’s married and no, she can’t get pregnant), the couple’s doctor, family, etc. MY GOD. Is this what it takes to get on Oprah’s couch nowadays?
PS Not for nothing, doesn’t this story kinda feel like it should be on Geraldo or Jerry Springer instead? I guess Oprah ain’t all that damn changed from the early days, huh…

Here’s the story on Rueters:

too much time on her hands…

By on March 25, 2008 in made for the maury show

Okay, let me start off by saying that while I’m not necessarily the biggest Demi Moore fan, I do respect the old broad’s gangsta for making a potentially criminal offense (screwing someone at least 20+ years her junior) look sexy.

How-some-ever, there is a limit to the stupidity. And Demi my dear, you have officially reached it.
In her ongoing twisted attempt to never visibly age (read: 40 plastic surgery operations later), now homegirl is doing cleansings with LEECHES. Apparently she was all up on Letterman (in support of her new movie Flawless- tad ironic, no?), explaining how her new thing is allowing leeches to suck on her belly buttton. And while it was definately “uncomfortable,” Demi ‘no pain no gain’ Moore insists that all it took was a little Lamaze breathing to help her make it through.
I’m just unclear, is she saying leech bites that hurt as much as childbirth (because that is the purpose of learning Lamaze breathing techniques, correct?) is a good thing?? Survey says, NOT.
I mean seriously, is growing old gracefully that bad?
Read all about how leeches don’t like pubic hair and behave like little drunks after they’ve finished gorging on you:

guess who’s having the best week ever….

By on March 12, 2008 in made for the maury show

Can the church get an amen? The State of New York is about to swear in it’s first African American Governor ever thanks to Elliot ‘I-like-it-unprotected’ Spitzer’s high-priced booty calls. AND he’s legally blind?!? Right about now, racists all over Howard Beach are crying into their canolis!

But on a serious tip? Am I the only one who thinks Elliot Spitzer’s resignation is a waste? An amazing political career destroyed, and for what? Just ’cause the man likes to have unprotected sex… with strangers… and pay them for it? SO? At least he paid ‘Kristen’ well- according to AOL news, his standing account with the escort service totaled somewhere around $80,000. Might I remind you, all Ms. Monica got was a dry cleaning bill.
As for the whole ‘prostitution-is-wrong’ backchat, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not my business who wants to pay for sex. As long as it’s not with an underaged child, some poor Indonesian sex slave or my own man doing it; the phrase that pays is: MIND YA BUSINESS.
Besides, how much you want to wager almost all the high-and-mighty folks so eagerly calling for Big E’s resignation have had an extramarital affair, frequented the champagne room in a stripclub or are clients their damn selves?

layovers suck…

By on March 5, 2008 in made for the maury show

Overcast skies delayed my flight out of LaGuardia this morning, and I missed my connection flight by ten freaking minutes! Now I’m stuck in Denver International Airport freezing my behind off for the next three hours!!! As I wonder why the a/c is blasting when it’s barely 20 degrees outside, a white girl walks by wearing flip-flops and all my questions are answered- wallrus skin.

But my hyperthermia is nothing compared to the crazy Senator in Arizona who is trying to make it legal to carry concealed weapons on college campuses. Huh?
According to the New York Times, in response to recent campus shootings “State Senator Karen S. Johnson, has sponsored a bill, which the Senate Judiciary Committee approved last week, that would allow people with a concealed weapons permit — limited to those 21 and older in Arizona — to carry their firearms at public colleges and universities.”
What is this the wild, wild west? The NRA kills me. Literally.
Read the rest of the madness here:

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