A friend of mine from high school is pregnant with triplets. Yes, you read that correctly- TRIPLETS. As in 3 growing babies inside of 1 (what used to be very small) body. Jesus. Just looking at the ultrasound photo made my uterus hurt. I’m not even kidding you. But wait on it… what’s really really nerve wracking is tht they already have a daughter who’s not even 2 years old. I know it’s Friday so let me help you do the math-that’s FOUR kids under the age of THREE in ONE house? I can’t even imagine the amount of screaming and crying and dirty diapers… uh-uh. Ain’t no way in the world. As far as I’m concerned this girl is a freaking SAINT… And Jesus be a dead battery in the baby monitor.

To be quite honest, like 68% I can easily forsee initiating a vasectomy conversation with my husband/ the father of my kids. Cause once we’ve reached maximum capacity, haven’t I earned the right to enjoy unprotected sex at some point in my life?Not to mention, nobody likes those kind of surprises. No thank you.

As for the 31% of you who don’t think you can fix your faces to say anything, I’ll check back with you after an unplanned child or two or three. Mmm-hmmm, you know what my old college health professer used to say… It’s all fun and games till the bunny dies.

Cause forreal, forreal, what are you gonna do, get back on the pill? Use condoms for the rest of your life? I guess get your tubes tied, huh? No offense but don’t you think, it seems a little unfair to carry the total birth control burden in a marriage? I mean, this is more than your jump-off or someone you’ve been dating for a while, right? And after being pregnant for 9 whole months and actually giving birth, why in the Lord’s good name should we be the one to get our tubes tied? Boo.

I say, its time for men to step up and take one for the team. Let’s just consider vasectomies the new push tax. And no worries guys, we’ll be happy to help you ice it down the morning after.

So it turns out that 78% of you guys are more than willing to take a class to improve your oral sex skills. Yay way to show enthusiasm ladies!! I say, more efficient and better blowjob techniques for everyone! But on the forreeal, forreal, I sincerely hope that some of these positive responses came from the men as well (surprise, surprise boys have mitzimoments too). Because lord knows, over the years I’ve certainly come across more than my fair share of negroes that weren’t hitting on nada in the oral department. And that right there is the WORST- all that pulling and tugging and slopping and acting crazy, when the reality is you’re just staring at the ceiling wishing it would be the hell over before he tears something important… Mm-hmm, matter of fact, make that the ABSOLUTE WORST.