Author: Mitzi

So last night, my boy G-Payton scored tix to see the dress rehearsal performance of The Wiz featuring Ashanti and Orlando Jones. Under normal circumstance, you’d have to drag me kicking and screaming to anything remotely Ashanti related but it’s The Wiz. I couldn’t resist.

And I am SOSOSO happy to report that for the most part the play was really good. As expected, LaChanze (she played Celie in Oprah’s The Color Purple musical) was phenomenal. Orlando Jones looks like he’s put on a couple of pounds but still dead on as The Wiz. I seriously heart the Scarecrow, Tin Man And Cowardly Lion. Them brother right there can BLOW. And don’t sleep, even though she only had two and a half scenes, Tichina Arnold straight STOLE the show as Evillene (the Wicked Witch of the West).
But I did say for the most part.  As in not completely… Sigh. 
Poor, poor Ashanti. Her costume was probably the most unflattering thing I’ve seen in a LONG time. Cause we all know that girl got cankles and big feet.  Who in the unholy costume-design-school-dropout HELL thought it would be cute to put her in a dress that tea length dress and black Converse sneakers?? 
And even though it seemed like they tried to rearrange the tone/pitch of the songs to accommodate her limited range, homegirl still came up waaaay short. Although, I must give her points for being creative enough to try and whisper sing  (like Janet), so that folks couldn’t really tell that she can’t sing. Unfortunately, them type of smoke and mirror shenanigans don’t really work when you’re performing with or right after folks that can really, really SANG. 
I just thank GOD that the producers/writers kept her speaking parts to a bare minimum (at least it seemed). So there were moments that you could sorta- if you tried very, very hard and clicked your heel 3x- forget that she was there.

Here’s the thing, I’m all for fashion forwardness.  I love seeing new trends emerge (so about to cop an adorable one-piece pantsuits) and disappear (baby doll dress be damned).  

Even if good old fashioned commonsense/ awareness of my body shape won’t necessarily allow me to get involved (thigh high boots), more power to those constantly push the envelope.  
With that said, this morning I have serious beef with Rihanna.
What the in the unholy my-stylist-had-the-night-off HELL was she doing prancing around NYC in a damn over-sized cardigan like it’s a sweater dress?? 
Shit is a certified wreck.  Oh and PS, the random bustier tossed up under there doesn’t make it any better. At. All. Cause really, it just looks like  ya girl put on the pretty drawers, the sweater and said bump wearing pants/shorts/anything to properly cover her butt.
Listen, I know the poor thing done been through some shit recently but that’s simply no reason to hit the pavement assed-out and half-naked.  Uh-uh, no maam.  Not today, not tomorrow, not even on a dare.
But the FORREAL, FORREAL reason that I’m mad at Rih-Rih?  For every time her tall and skinny behind tries to pull something crazy like this off.  There’s a confused girl with a TOTALLY Different shape following her lead…  AND FAILING MISERABLY.  
Exhibit A: Homegirl following right behind her in the shiny shirt, leather boots and a crazy looking cardigan vest of her own. Need I say more?
Jesus be a fill-length mirror. Light a candle ya’ll…

Okay, real talk?  I think my breasts are shrinking! 

I used to be a very ample C/ borderline D-cup.  Nowadays, I’m only halfway filling out the C cups. And puh-lease do not make the bra cup structured…  they’re straight puddling in the bottom!!  What the hell!?!?!?
I keep trying on all my bras, adjusting the straps, twisting from side to side and the results are still the same- freakin’ Magda boobs. 
I feel so betrayed.  I LOVE the twins.  My market loves the twins. It’s not like I’ve lost considerable weight or been breast feeding anyone’s baby lately.  How are they gonna just up and deflate on me like this?  
I’m just saying… Don’t they know there’s a recession going on?  I can’t afford to replace all the cute underwear sets.  Sigh. And after all the exposure I’ve given them… ungrateful I tell you.
All I can say is, Jesus be the augmentation savings fund. 

Goodness this weather is blowing me. I swear, repeatedly waking up to gray skies puts me in the foulest mood. I don’t want to go nowhere, do nothing, talk to nobody, it’s awful.

Shoot, this crappy weather is probably why folks in Ohio have issues like a grown ass, 41 year-old man wearing a bright green woman’s one-piece bathing suit and construction boots harassing women in a public park.  
Yeah, you read that right.  
Apparently dude, was running up on random women and young girls and asking whether or not they liked his outfit. Really?  You’re looking for fashion advice? Sigh.
But the tomfoolery doesn’t stop there…  
In a completely separate incident, a woman caught a man wearing a purple bra and boxers breaking into her car.  Mmm-hmm…  The poor woman said, “I was actually kind of worried.  He was in a bra and boxers and going through my car.  I didn’t know what to think.” 
Yeah, I can see how that might be sensory overload.

Slow news day…  Which inevitable leads me to fall back on old poll questions.  Here’s one that I’ve been meaning to discuss for a minute: Do you need to be held by your partner after sex?

65% of you said you can take it or leave it.
26% say its a must
7% would rather not.
I see I’m in the minority…
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I’m a very affectionate person. I always enjoy having my hand held, being held, hugged, kissed, etc by my significant other. My friends will tell you- Mitzi is very big on the PDA. 
But all that ‘afterglow cuddling?’  Especially after really, really good sex?  Yeah, no. 
And I’m not quite sure what that’s about. All I know is I’m exhausted,  I need a minute to get myself together and I DO NOT want you draping your heavy thigh over me while I’m trying to find my head scarf and get my heart rate down.  At all.
*Truth be told, the only time, I want to cuddle immediately after sex is if it’s wack (and that’s just to hold me back from getting up and getting the hell outta there).
I’m gonna have to pray on that…

Can we please have an extended moment of silence for those two female news reporters that were just sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a North Korea jail???  


According to news reports, the journalists were working on a story for Current TV, a San Francisco-based media company co-founded by former VP Al Gore about the trafficking of women from North Korea into China, but other reports said they were reporting on North Korean refugees who had fled their country. Whatever the case, border patrol officers from the North snatched them chicks up  and charged them with illegally entering North Korean territory.
Amnesty International reports that prisoners in these work camps often work 10 hours or more a day, with no rest days, performing demanding work that can include logging and stone quarrying. Beatings are not infrequent, even for simple stuff like forgetting the words to patriotic songs. And obviously, food, hygienic conditions and medical care are poor at best.  

But wait on it… in the meantime, US politicians are describing the situation as “high stakes poker game.”  Huh?
What in the back-breaking-foreign-torture-mind-game hell is this? I. Can’t. No you heartless idiots, this is not a damn game.  Two women are up shit creek without a paddle for doing their JOBS.  And folks need to stop playing the who’s balls are the biggest foolishness and bring them the hell home. Seriously.

See now….

Sometimes a cause of death should just remain undisclosed. Did we really, really need to know that David Carradine was found with a rope tied to his neck and another to his genitals? Seriously? I just threw up in my mouth.

Cause now, anyone with a good gay friend (hey, G.P.) or S&M fetish (don’t even look over here)can tell you that this man done messed around and kilt himself playin‘ the reindeer games. And he was in Thailand? Land of the underage prostitutes and anything goes erotica scene? Sigh.

Damn Grasshopper…

Dayum, Craiglist just can’t catch a break!!

Not that either scenario is better than the other but at least the masseuse understood that every time she responded to an ad, there was the possibility of some craziness jumping off. This poor woman unknowingly went to sleep (mind you, their two kids were in the crib) and the man that was supposed to love her ’till death do them part set her up for the straight okey doke. Err-um, no thank you.

And what about the poor schlub who actually raped the victim? As much as rape role play ain’t never gonna be my type of hype, everyone is entitled to their own turn-on. HOWSOMEVER, there’s a gargantuan difference between fulfilling an extreme fantasy and actually committing the crime. This dude has to live with the fact that he RAPED someone for the rest of his life.

Jesus ring the bell…

Raise your hand if you managed to get up at the crack of dawn (approximately 6:10am for those on the east coast) to watch President Obama’s speech in Cairo live? Yeah, me neither.

But since I was bombarded with opinions, reviews and commentary from the moment I logged on to the internet, I decided to bite the bullet and watch all 54:52 min online (My god, that’s a long time for anyone to speak continuously, no?).

Gotta say, I’m so not mad at Michelle’s man.
Not only does President Obama continue to be one of the most engaging and eloquent public speakers of modern times, but the man does it with a smile. He managed to take responsibility for our nation’s history of poor decisions (Iraq War, Guantanamo Bay, unjust discrimination against Muslims) while still making it clear that any and every damn body can get it if they mess with the US.

Uh-huh, I see you moving and shaking Barack… Do it. Check it out for yourself HERE.

In yet another example of how close we are to the end of days, why was a U.S. Marine Corps Recruiter arrested for pimping out a 14 year-old to potential enlistment recruits??

Alledgedly, Staff Sgt. Bryan Damone Cunningham (Um, Bryan Damone? $50 says this fool is Black. Sigh. My people, my people puh-lease STOP watching Hustle & Flow) attempted to barter the girl to a pair of 18 and 19 year-old interested recruits as an incentive to sign the dotted line. Sick Perv.

But wait on it… According to the po-po, homegirl met Cunningham online and had sex with all three men. She also told the cops Cunningham wanted her to work as a prostitute and had tried to take her to Los Angeles County against her will.

So basically, she was down to have sex with all three but just didn’t want to go to Los Angeles? Uh-uh, I can’t.

Jesus be a 7-year stint in a convent far, far away.

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