Mitzi

random weekend musings…

By Mitzi on October 2, 2009 in desperate cry for help, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Praise the Lord, it’s Friday!

Even if the sun is barely shining, Dave Letterman just received an undeserved round of applause for admitting to adultery and Chicago lost the bid for the Olympics (sorry Mama Oprah), I’m still happy as hell that the weekend is upon us.

I think I want to go to the movies this weekend… Doesn’t the comedy with Vince Vaughn come out today? Or wait, maybe it was that new roller derby Drew Barrymore movie with Ellen Page, Whip It. Whichever one, I sure hope it’s entertaining. ‘Cause I’m going to need something to help me forget about the scary daycare worker in England that was arrested for abusing year old babies with toothbrushes, taking pictures and sending them to some pedophile she had the hots for.

On second thought, it might take a little more than a movie to forget that mess.

You know, it really makes me wonder whether homegirl’s mother smoked cigarettes while she was in the womb. According to a report on Reuters, children born to women who smoke during the pregnancy have a greater risk of developing psychotic tendencies. And let’s be clear, anyone who feels the need to sodomize an infant to score points with any sort of love interest let alone a sexual deviant is clearly a hot ass psycho mess.

I’m just saying… this is not the type of ish that Gandhi would have wanted to hear on his 140th birthday people! Okay?

where 2 or more gather…

By Mitzi on September 30, 2009 in made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

In what can only be further proof that we are living at the end of days, a Pentecostal church in Louisville, Kentucky has knowingly ordained a convicted sex offender as their newest minister. Um, feel free to insert dead fish eyes, right HERE.

Apparently, the minister, Mark Hourigan was convicted of sexually abusing an 11 year-old boy in central Kentucky. He served 5 years (lemme guess, this is where he found God) and is now officially listed on Kentucky’s sex offender registry for the rest of his life. Really?

Now, I’m not saying that dude doesn’t have a right to religion but an ordained minister? Come on! Forget about celebs and athletes, aren’t ministers supposed to be role models?

I’m just saying.

ain’t nobody throwin’ away the key…

By Mitzi on September 29, 2009 in feedback

Since yesterday’s post was such a Debbie Downer, I figured I’d keep it light and dig up an old poll question. So here’s one that I found:

Are you willing to be tied up during sex, tie your partner up or both?

8% said they prefer to be the one who gets tied up

44% said that they’d tie their partner up but, them? Not so much.

46% were down for it either way

For the record, I find it very encouraging to see that so many people are pushing the limits in their sex lives. Personally? I don’t know how…

Why? Cause we all know negroes are tricky. And not for nothing, I kinda need to feel like I can always get up and be out at a moment’s notice. Not to mention, I’ve never been one of those chicks that has S&M fantasies. Don’t get me wrong- I’m all for the dress up (gotta keep it interesting) but I just don’t feel the need for anyone to pretend to kidnap, rape, arrest, force me into bondage etc. At. All.

Call me old fashioned, but there’s just something very effeminate about a man that really, really wants to be tied up. Think about it. Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.

Real talk? Most men that I’ve been intimate with are cool with a little bit of role playing and domination when we’re getting it on but all them handcuff games? No ma’am. Not even on a dare…

the real war zone…

By Mitzi on September 28, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Okay seriously? This video looks like it was shot in third world country. Certainly not on the streets of a major city like Chicago. What in the hell? Where did these kids get the 2×4 planks that they’re swinging around like bats from? Good grief.

My heart goes out to the families of all the kids- the one that lost his life, the ones that got injured in the brawl as well as the ones that are about to go to jail for the rest of their lives behind this tomfoolery.

Let the choir sing…

he’s a fatty…

By Mitzi on September 25, 2009 in cuteness kills, it takes a village, tapped out

So I’m in the supermarket last night and I swear, every other person that passed me by was either pregnant or pushing a stroller. It was the most bizarre thing. And I don’t know if it’s the PMS or what but, I could not stop wishing oohing and awwing like a damn fool.

You know that annoying girl who can’t help but say how adorable every single baby in sight is? Yeah, that was me. Sigh.

But then, I got online this morning and read an article about a woman in Indonesia who just gave birth to a 19-pound baby boy and I almost threw up in my mouth! NINETEEN POUNDS?? I can’t even lift a ten pound dumbbell without bitching and complaining and this lil’ sumo wrestler came out of the womb weighing NINETEEN pounds??

Um, just what in the-made-for the-maury-show- hell is anyone supposed to do with that?

Poor woman is prob gonna throw her back out just trying to carry him home from the hospital. And let’s not talk about what it’s going to cost to properly feed that child. Uh-uh, no ma’am…

Thank you NY Daily News, my biological clock is officially SHUT DOWN.

folks got real problems…

By Mitzi on September 24, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road

Hmmm, am I the only person that doesn’t feel bad for Plaxico Burress? And mind you, I mean to say I’m not feeling even a second worth of remorse for the guy.

Think about it.

Not only was Plaxico stoopid enough to carry a dangerous firearm into a nightclub… This numskull tucks the piece into the waistband of his pants?? Like he’s the outlaw in some sort of gangsta flick? Are you serious right now? And then you got the nerve to be jumping around the Latin Quarter, popping bottles? Aye dos mio…

Real talk? Plaxico put everyone that went out that night to have a good time in mortal danger because he “didn’t feel safe.” Well shit, then stay your scary ass at home. But definitely don’t bring a gun- that you clearly don’t know how to operate responsibly- into a crazy environment like a packed NYC club. Ever.

another reason to stick with target…

By Mitzi on September 23, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

See now, this is EXACTLY what I mean when I tell people: can’t nothing good happen in New Jersey… Why in the retirement-home-escapee-hell was an 82-year old man arrested for fondling four different women in a freaking Walmart in Trenton??

As if life isn’t miserable enough when you’re waiting in those long ass lines, now you’ve got the perverted geriatric dude who really should be wasting away in a hospice somewhere rubbing up against you and fondling himself! WTF???

And wait on it- apparently Hector (yeah, that’s really his name) has already served two years in prison for sexual assault and lewdness.

Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel, because I. Can’t.

idris is all we have…

By Mitzi on September 21, 2009 in desperate cry for help, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, why we as a people can't get ahead

Did anyone watch the Emmys last night? Yeah, me neither. But you know I promptly went through the all the red carpet photos as soon as I logged on this morning. And to be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed with those either.

But something that did occur to me as I clicked my way through all the hits and misses, was the lack of lust- worthy black actors. I mean, whether the dresses were hot or not, the majority of the women were still beautiful and certified girl-crush material. But the boys? Eh, not so much.

Like forreal, forreal, are there are no hot straight black men on television??

As much as it pains me to say it (’cause you know Love & Basketball is one of my most FAVORITE movies ever), Omar Epps is over. I don’t know what in the molten-plastic-plastic-looking-botox-hell is going on with LL Cool J face. Something about Gary Dourdan continues to be a yawn. And crazy ass Tracy Morgan is just well, no thank you.

Seriously? I’m kind of sad about this. I mean, I can appreciate the sexiness in whatever color it arrives- um hello Adrian Grenier but it might be nice to have something with a little melanin to gawk at every one in a while. I’m just saying.

makin’ it hot for real victims…

By Mitzi on September 18, 2009 in desperate cry for help, end of days, tapped out, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

OMG, I was so blown when I heard that the Hostra chick who cried gang rape was straight up lying. Like, who does that?? Um hello, this is 2009. If you want to get it poppin’ with 5 boys in the bathroom at school dance then that’s ya business. Granted, you wouldn’t be no friend of mine but still… go ‘head ma.

The whole situation is tragic. Putting those boys and their families through the ringer b/c she didn’t want her boyfriend to find out that she was a lil’ fast ass? When all along homegirl was more than a willing participant in the amateur porn shenanigans.

Not for nothing, if it was MY son that was accused of some random mess like this, I’d press criminal charges in the blink of an eye AND then sue the shit outta that loony tune. Of course, this is after I beat fire outta him for even being involved in some foolishness like running a train with four of his friends. Sigh. I. Can’t.

Jesus be the camera phone that set them free.

we will all be responsible…

By Mitzi on September 16, 2009 in end of days, why we as a people can't get ahead

On a truly tragic note, South African track star Caster Semenya is now under suicide watch. Jesus.

Apparently, ever since the news of her being a hermaphrodite went public she’s gone into a deep depression. Officials are describing her current behavior as similar to that of a rape victim- she is afraid of herself and she doesn’t want anyone near her. My god.

And what’s really horrible is that none of this should have ever happened. The reports from the probe should have never been leaked. And now the whole world is privy to personal information that belonged to her alone.

In my opinion, the international media treated Caster like an animal and at the end of the day, she’s only a child. She’s just 18 years-old. So if you thought 19 year-old Taylor Swift looked like a helpless child on that MTV stage, put yourself in this little girl’s place.

Real talk, folks have had mental breakdowns for less. (Um hello, Mischa Barton?) I am so sad for her and her family.

Page 38 of 5 36 37 38 39 40

Mitzi Moments

CONTACT

Author: Mitzi