Mitzi Moments

Author: Mitzi

should’ve been somewhere singing…

By on January 12, 2010 in pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out, why we as a people can't get ahead

Psst! Psst! Aye yo Usher, lemme holla at you right quick?


So yeah, the last time I checked, the new millenium Great Depression was bearing down on our country. Folks who have never wanted for anything are suddenly struggling and looking for a quick and easy score and that’s to say nothing of those who started on the fringe. In light of this (pretty common) information, what in the world would make you or ANY OTHER IDIOT leave $1 million dollars of jewelry & electronics and wait on it… an additional $50K of furs inside a parked car??

And no, I don’t care that you left it in front of a busy shopping mall! Dummy.

Like seriously? According to personal friends that live in the nicer ATL-area, negroes are kicking in doors and jacking cars from driveways in the broad daylight on some real reckless 80’s type ish. And you wanna try the people with diamonds and furs? C’monSON! Even if the economic climate doesn’t affect you personally, Im’ma need you to pick up a newspaper, turn on the news and be aware of what’s happening around you.

I’ll admit, normally I find these this type of tomfoolery entertaining. But this time, I really hope this story isn’t true. ‘Cause this may sound horrible but if it is true, I hope your dumbass doesn’t get a freaking DIME from the insurance company. If you have so much surplus that it doesn’t occur to take good care of it, please don’t cry me no crocodile tears after the fact.

Word.

better booty in 2010 giveaway…

By on January 11, 2010 in we love the free

It may be a new and improved year but there’s one thing about me that will never change- I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE giving good gifts to folks that work hard.

So to indulge my inner philanthropist and because I’m all for giving better butt in 2010, I’m gifting one lucky Mitzi Moments reader with a gift certificate for a FREE PAIR OF GAP JEANS.

Consider this additional motivation to stick with those New Year personal weight loss goals (’cause based on the comments, not one of you is trying to go down the celibacy path with me) and also a small thank you for sticking with me through all the rants and raves of 2009.

Here’s what you’ve got to do:

MANDATORY

• Visit the gap.com and leave me one comment telling me which pair of jeans you’re going to use your gift certificate to purchase.

• Be/Become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave separate comments for each)

• TWEET “I just entered the @MitziMoments Better Booty in 2010 giveaway for a free pair of GAP Jeans. http://tinyurl.com/yzlpuzl“

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through Google follower on site OR get the Mitzi Moments RSS feed HERE (leave an additional comment letting me know you’ve done so, and include an email address so that I can contact you if you win).

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter (send me a direct message letting me know you’ve done so).

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you’ve done so).


THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on MONDAY, JANUARY 18, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON THURSDAY, JANUARY 21, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. and Canada. The gift certificate is good for one free pair of Gap jeans with a value up to $69.50 at any Gap, GapKids or babyGap retail store.

going (not-so) hard…

By on January 7, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, Mitzi- all day every day, using our powers for good

As much as I love making them, New Year’s Resolutions tend to be a big fat pain in the arse to keep…. ESPECIALLY the one where I promise to workout more regularly and eat healthy foods. Don’t ask why but somehow or the other, I always wind up on my couch scarfing down an order of McDonalds greasy (but oh so yummy) fries. Sigh. Those things are dusted with crack I tell you.


But this year is different.

And to prove how committed I am to once and for all achieving this lifestyle change, I’m upping the ante: As of January 7, 2010, I, Mitzi Miller am officially shutting down shop and going celibate until I lose these annoying ass 8lbs that have been hanging around my face and waist since September. Damn you Prednisone.

Mmm-hmm, just like that.

I’m officially on a mission to reclaim my waistline and get these shakey-bakey thighs back under control PRONTO. And you know what they say… if you can speak it you can achieve it. Mind you, I don’t know if ‘they’ ever tried giving up sex but we shall see.

Pray for me (and my libido)…

spare me the tell-alls…

By on January 6, 2010 in end of days, it ain't easy, tagging out

I hate to admit it but, I do believe 2009 left me completely void of empathy for the celeb shenanigans. Go figure.


Sure, there was a small part of me that felt shocked when I heard about Gilbert Arenas’s simple ass pulling a gun out on his teammate over a gambling debt. But an even greater percentage of my response was very whatever. Like, that’s the best you got Gilbert? No offense.

Yeah, after giving it some thought, what I’d really like to see in 2010 is a lot less basic bloopers and silly stunts and a whole hell of a lot more of celebs doing their freaking jobs. You know, ENTERTAIN me.

It sure would be nice to have an exciting championship series or even a fabulous album to discuss… I’m just saying.

made my month…

By on January 6, 2010 in it's in the genes, miracle on 169th street, Mitzi- all day every day

Seriously? As a woman, there’s little in life better than receiving an unexpected compliment on your hair. Okay, well then again, there might a couple of things but very few can I do on my own.

*dead fish eyes*

So needless to say, it totally made my day when the Lenora the woman behind Newbie Natural Diva blog selected me to be the Natural Beauty of the Month!

Awwww. Thank you, thank you very much! You’re far too kind!


Be sure to check out my naps (and their backstory) in their full glory here:

making greyhound look sexy…

By on January 5, 2010 in end of days, it's in the genes, that sense of entitlement, work it white girl

How ridiculous is it that Joan Rivers got bumped off her flight from Costa Rica because security thought that she was a terrorist? Seriously? The old decrepit white woman with waaaaay too much plastic surgery and a horrible ash blonde dye job? I can’t. Between you and me, I think Joan was probably being a pain in the ass and the chick at Continental was like, “Oh yeah bitchy old lady? I’ll show you.” Mmm-hmm… just. like. that.


But honestly, it still behooves me why everyone in the entire world should suffer this ridiculous backlash because a bunch of lazy ass fools who work for the airport (who were most likely annoyed that they had to work on Christmas) screwed up on the job. Instead of coming up with a bunch of additional rules, wouldn’t the smart thing to do have been to FIRE every employee that was working security and missed the mark that day?
I’m just saying. Obviously they never mastered the old rules. So what, you’re going to try and tack on MORE information? Do the math.

Sigh. Friendly skies my behind…

so this is what a pantie-sniffer looks like…

By on January 4, 2010 in desperate cry for help, it takes a village, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tagging out

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know today is the first work day of the new year/ decade but I gotta tell you- I’m so not for ready it. Seriously, I think my body may need another 24 hours to recover from the non-stop tomfoolery of the 2009 holiday festivities and this damn head cold that I seem to have picked up on Saturday night. Sigh.


Guess I still need to learn when to say when…

But before I go back to bed to stage a much-needed do-over, I wanted to share the news story about the ex-mayor of Lancashire in England who recently confessed to breaking into women’s homes and what? Stealing their underwear. *blank stare*

Mmm-hmm, apparently homeboy’s pantie raid lasted from January to June of last year. And at one point, it got so bad that not only were women going to the police about the number of missing garments but one woman actually went so far as to install a hidden camera in her bedroom. Can you imagine?

Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel…

not to get all mushy but…

By on December 31, 2009 in Mitzi- all day every day

Here’s wishing everyone a fantastic New Year’s Eve and more importantly, a phenomenal 2010.


With the start of this new decade, I hope that we all use every day as an opportunity to start over and go harder. Remember, life is for the living.

See you on the other side!

they’ll be reruns in the summer…

By on December 30, 2009 in it ain't easy, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Wow, so are we really not going to have the Fox Broadcasting channel in 2010? ‘Cause from the sounds of things, Time Warner is not budging on this whole price hike situation. Can’t say I’m mad. I’m extremely tired of paying outrageous prices for cable when I don’t really enjoy half of the shows on television. And truth be told, I can’t even name a show on Fox besides 24 and Family Guy (or is that on the CW) that is worth talking about.


Times are tough, go hard.

Speaking of going hard, DAYUM Teddy! How you smacking your 18 year-old daughter upside the head with a freaking Guitar Hero guitar?? And then wait on it… your old unapologetic ass goes and tweets that “you’d do it again”? *EPIC Fail*

Be clear: I don’t have problem the first with him laying into her ass (even if she is 18 years-old). The way my sister and I were raised, if you chose to live at home after graduating from high school, you could and would catch a bad one if and whenever you popped off at the mouth.

Like Elsa told me, “Don’t like it? Think you too grown for the beat down? Then by all means, move the hell out.”

And take my word for it- she was NOT playing. I caught my last bad one at 21 when I came home from school for Xmas break. Yeah, you read that correctly, 2-1. And I ain’t never, ever forget that ‘ish either! Sigh. God bless my Panamanian mother’s heart…

So no, my issue is not with the whooping. It’s with him using the guitar. I’m just saying… Were there no leather belts, extension cords, wooden spoons, plastic spatulas within in arms reach? Oh and please don’t sleep on how much an unexpected pop-pop to the mouth (hard enough to stun but not enough to bloody) can do for a smart mouth or a bad attitude. Mmm-hmm…

singing the same ‘ole song…

By on December 29, 2009 in going to hell in a handbasket, i die, keep hope alive, pocket full of dirty tissue, too old for the road, why we as a people can't get ahead

Hmm, so I finally got around to watching this infamous (and seriously redundant) Dateline segment on ‘The Plight of Single Black Women’. Umm…. Yawn. Clearly, Dateline either ran out of white girls that slept with Tiger Woods or just needed a quick bump in their ratings.

Like seriously? We’re going into a new DECADE and we’re STILL talking the same ‘ole ‘last good black man standing’ bullshit? Yeah, no thank you. I am so tired of hearing how hard it is to find a decent Black man. Note to the masses: having a degree, well-paying job, nice apartment and fly car does not make you a decent human being.

Here’s an idea: Instead of regurgitating the same doomsday dating info, why not produce a segment on all the new and young married females (African American and White) who are ABSOLUTELY miserable. Yeah, I’m talking about the countless women who regret the day they rushed down the aisle because it seemed like ‘the right thing to do.’ And now, the poor things are facing an embarrassing/ expensive divorce or worse, wasting the best years of their lives in an unhappy situation.

Quietly, I’m sure we all know just as many single ladies on the prowl as married ones who in retrospect, if given the choice, WOULD NOT choose to be with the same man they married.
*dead fish eyes*
Cause not to be funny or seem extra callous about the situation, but at the end of the day the women that I associate with and consider peers would much rather be alone and feel lonely- than be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

Let the choir sing…

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