Mitzi

sure wish life was this simple…

By Mitzi on August 26, 2010 in i die, Mitzi- all day every day

Hmmm, lots going on but I was up way to late to write anything coherent about most of it. *kanye shrug* It happens.

Although, must admitI am kinda bugging about the Columbian FaceBook hit list. Three of the listed teens have alreay been killed and the cops have no suspects or concrete motive for those people selected. SMH.

Forreal, criminals using modern technology to threaten and intimidate feels like something taken straight out of a bad Will Smith action movie. I can only assume that the reason the police haven’t more proactive about investigating the killings is because they’re waiting for Bruce Willis to fly in and save the day? No?

It’s clear that technology is going to be the downfall of many more.

Shoot, just ask wackass Soulja Boy to tell you about his starring role on the most recent Kat Stacks hidden camera phone exclusive. BLANK STARE.

Mmm-hmm, come get ya stupid boy swag up close and personal in all it’s wobbly camera-phone glory. This uninspired indie features a coke-laced romp at the Atlanta Intercontinental, cringe-inducing chest & ear massages from dirty fake finger nails, and horrible cackling sound effects from the industry’s most scandalous video hooker herself. Good grief, he’s such a dummy.

*In the of the father, son and unlimited service with a data plan. Church, Let us unplug & pray*

doing DLux giveaway…

By Mitzi on August 25, 2010 in we love the free

So we all have that friend… the one that’s ALWAYS impeccably dressed no matter what the occasion or weather. Forever rocking just the right balance of trend and classics, she’s always able to figure out how to make every new ‘it’ look work for her- no matter how crazy it seemed when you saw it on the pages of Vogue. You know, the one who at the very thought of being in the same space with her will send you running back into the closet for those impossible 4+ inch heels… rain/sleet/snow be damned. Sigh.

So aggravating… and yet, always inspiring.

Truth be told, I probably have way too many of these friends. But one in particular is the amazing Dorian Grace. A former buyer for Saks Fifth Avenue and Sean John I swear, this woman has a direct line to the fashion gods, and whenever she calls they always answer.

BLANK STARE

But you know what they say: to whom much is given, much is expected. So after years of folks trying to keep up with her innate sense of style, Dorian’ has finally decided to simply open her own exclusive clothing boutique. And voila, DLux.

Located in the tony Englewood, NJ shopping district, I promise you as soon as you step foot in the gorgeous petite space you will feel like you’ve walked into a life size closet with a constantly revolving supply of the season’s hottest pieces and accessories. And since it’s still her baby, Dorian is in the place to personally help you pick out exactly what you need to be absolutely flawless at all times.

Check it out for yourself: www.shopdlux.com

BONUS: To celebrate the long overdue launch of the e-commerce portion of her site, Dorian is gifting THREE Moment readers with a super cute, dark heather gray, distressed signature DLux t-shirt.

Here’s what you’ve got to do for an opportunity to win:

*MANDATORY*

• Leave me one comment telling me which is your favorite item up on the DLux site and where you’d rock it.

• If you’re not already, become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

And for even MORE opportunities:

*EXTRA ENTRIES* (please be sure to post a separate comment for each one you complete)

• TWEET “I just entered the @MitziMoments ‘Doing DLuxe’ giveaway for a free signature DLux t-shirt.”

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through the Google follower link on site.

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter & send me a message letting me know you’ve done so.

• FOLLOW @DluxNj on Twitter & send me a message letting me know you’ve done so.

• VISIT the flagship store & tell Dorian you heard about it on MitziMoments

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you’ve done so).

THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. and Canada.

dem bishes at sin city need to go sit down & take notes…

By Mitzi on August 24, 2010 in end of days, i die, made for the maury show, tagging out

There are few things that render me COMPLETELY speechless. And by completely speechless, feel free to envision me sitting here with my mouth wide open, eyelids peeled back, straight dumbfounded. Mm-hmmm, that ugly kinda shock.

Well this video has officially done it.

And to be fair, I recognize that this is some sacred, ancient custom that according to my shaky bakey sources started somewhere near 12 A.D. Translation: it probably deserves a whole lot more respect than what I’m thinking but… oh well.

Yooooo, when the hairy, little fat man gets to doing his thing? And then the little boy proceeds to braid his own body all the way to the top of the pole?

*does a running swan dive in the shallow end of the pool*

Just so we’re clear. I have never in my ENTIRE life been even remotely sexually curious about the average Indian man. (Something about my sensitive sense of smell just wouldn’t even let me pretend to entertain the idea of getting that close.) But after watching this craziness, I just might have to reconsider. ‘Cause not for nothing, them little mo-f’kers are flexible as HELL.

BLANK STARE.

Oh and when you finally figure out how to pick your bottom lip up off the ground, feel free to thank G. Payton for this little gem.

its all about choices…

By Mitzi on August 24, 2010 in cuteness kills, made for the maury show, Mitzi- all day every day, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget, why we as a people can't get ahead

Why lawd god, why????

Who in the hell told Fantasia she could get away with wearing a skin tight dress sans the proper undergarments? Like, in life? Let alone, for a nationally televised appearance on Good Morning America? I can’t. My eyes hurt from looking at this craziness.

Yes, I know that the super strength, full body slimmers can be kinda pricey. And yes, I understand that she was already two seconds off of dead-ass broke before racking up the new medical bills. But still…

I think I can comfortably say that the majority of us would much rather see Fanny repeat an outfit or two rather than look at pictures of her saggy boobs, side roll ripples and flabby belly hanging over the top of the generic low-rise Spanx (which for the record, should never be peeping out from under the dress, thanks).

There’s got to be a better way.

(And you know I’m trying to be a better person, because I’m not even gonna go in on the ridiculous sideburns, extra pale pink lip gloss that does nothing for her lips or how filthy the tattoos on her legs make her appear. Thank you very much.)

this is for danita…

By Mitzi on August 20, 2010 in cuteness kills, it's not a game out there, pocket full of dirty tissue, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Happy Summer Friday everybody! As the summer winds down, I hope you’re using every last minute to cut up in the sunshine.

Oh and before you head out the door, here’s yet another face from the back of the ‘missing 90s R&B singers’ milk carton for you to be on the lookout for… Have a great weekend!

that ass sure has grown since then…

By Mitzi on August 18, 2010 in keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day, supermarket dreams on a bodega budget

Quick question: What in the lost-90s-singers & rappers-vortex happened to Case and his plethora of head wear? Like forget Ne-Yo’s receeding hairline, that man right there was the original hide-ya-head R&B singer. That bad boy could seriously go from baseball cap to ski skully to straight up pantyhose all in one video, like what? Say something.

But all fun and foreheads aside, I thought he was trying to stage a comeback.What had happened? Trey Songz got him shook or something?

Cause forreal, ‘Broken Glass’ and ‘Not Your Friend’ were the straight joints back in the day! And God only knows how many folks used that damn ‘Happily Ever After’ as their wedding song. Yeah man, for a hot minute Case was the ‘ish.

Speaking of Happily Ever After, I didn’t realize Beyonce was the lead female in the video until just now. Mmm-hmmm, front and center with that big ‘ole crazy 90s freeze curls piled up on her head. Looking like a fake Cleopatra in the empty museum.

Too funny.

lookin like perdue farm runaways…

By Mitzi on August 18, 2010 in Mitzi- all day every day

So err-um, about this new Rolling Stones cover featuring the cast of True Blood…

*squints eyes and cocks head to the side*

I don’t know, can’t say I’m feeling it.

Granted, I do not watch the series. Like, at all. And trust, not because I haven’t tried. But as much as I love me some Anna Paquin, her horrendous New Orleans accent on the series makes my nerves as bad as nails on a chalkboard. Seriously.

And now this photo- which truth be told, just looks like some boiled skinless chicken seasoned with blood?

Yeah, I’ll pass. Thanks.

u get no points for originality…

By Mitzi on August 17, 2010 in end of days, it takes a village, it's not a game out there, made for the maury show, pocket full of dirty tissue, tapped out

So eer-um yeah, about the unemployed, single mother of three in South Carolina who just confessed to suffocating her two sons to death with her bare hands because she was stressed out, dead ass broke and felt overwhelmed? PAUSE. Oh and my fave part? That the 500-lb beauty queen tried to cover-up the murders by recycling a new version that crazy white woman, Susan Smith’s story about losing control of the car and it (along w the babies) would up at the bottom a nearby lake…. ‘Cept I guess she decided to skip the part about the carjackers, huh?

SIGH.

Um Precious…. kids are not kittens. You don’t bag ‘em up and toss them in the lake when the litter gets to be too much. You just don’t. Dummy.

I swear, I have Z-E-R-O sympathy for women that CHOOSE to have a whole gang of kids and when ‘ish hits the fan- they suddenly can’t cope. At All. Newsflash: being a parent is so much more than sperm meeting egg in your uterus. I don’t care what the Bible tells you, if your life is a shit show to begin with, don’t bring another helpless dependent into nonsense.

*looks directly at the pro-life zealots protesting outside of abortion clinics around the country*

Again, it’s craziness like this that should serve as a wake-up call to Republicans and conservatives who want to restrict access to birth control. Cause if didn’t nobody else figure it out; trust me, the good Lord himself knew that this woman didn’t have any business having THREE children. Raising them by her damn self. In poor ass South Carolina.

Geesh.

all kinds of sick & twisted…

By Mitzi on August 16, 2010 in desperate cry for help, end of days, it's not a game out there

Err-umm yeah… so what’s really hood, Detroit?

Lemme find out that robbing and raping defenseless 90 year-old women is what’s up in The Motor City? Like, forreal? That’s how ya’ll celebrate GM posting a profitable quarter? By attacking the elderly?

BLANK STARE.

It goes without saying, there’s a special place in hell for individuals that move through the world this. You know, right along side the nut jobs that torture animals and molest children. Mmm-hmm, I’m pretty there’s room right THERE.

Oh and not for nothing, I actually disagree with her grandson. I HOPE the streets find these two goons before the police figure it out. Cause honestly, jail is too easy… Too easy.

bet she don’t want the rum punch…

By Mitzi on August 13, 2010 in it ain't easy, keep hope alive, Mitzi- all day every day

So I just read that the REAL reason Jermaine Dupri and Janet finally fell out is because he cheated on her with a stripper. And wait on it… knocked homegirl up. PAUSE. Umm, people still impregnate strippers in 2010? WOWOWOW.

If this is true, not only is that midget unattractive but he’s extra stoopid. The End.

But speaking of extra stoopid, remember his trusty sidekick Da Brat?? You know the crazy chick with all the braids that served time for slapping a cocktail waitress across the back of her head with a rum bottle? Yeah, that one. I hear she’s outta prison. Wonder what that’s looking like….

*gags*

Although, I gotta say- For a stone cold lesbian she sure had some of the dopest lookin’ dudes in this video right here…. Mmm-hmm.

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