Mitzi Moments » work it white girl

def worth a matinee…

Mitzi — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 16:40:00 +0000

Truth be told, it’s been a loooooong time since I’ve seen a trailer for a Cameron Diaz movie that I was remotely interested in spending my money on. And by looooong, I’m talking “Something About Mary” type years. Okay?

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But this weekend, I actually saw one that made me laugh out loud and spill my popcorn. Mmm-hmmm… sure did. Now, I can’t say I’d be that surprised if the trailer turns out to be the sum total of the funniest portions of the film. But hey, let’s keep hope alive, shall we?

Happy First Day of Spring!

and I need a vacation…

Mitzi — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 17:25:00 +0000

Oh yeah, had a surprise visit from one of my besties this morn. She was in the hood getting her hair done, or I should say chopped the hell off. It looks so amazing! She said she was felt like she was being oppressed by all the hair on her hair- how funny! Seems like short cuts are trending this year.

Speaking of surprises, the new Britney Spears video dropped. And I don’t hate it.

Her hair and body seem to have finally recovered from the train wreck that was her life.

Oh and for the record, that cat fight towards the end was BOSS.

Get it Brit Brit!

facebook is the devil…

Mitzi — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 17:16:00 +0000

And in other loosey goosey white woman news:

Two cousins from Long Island, Melanie Spanopoulos and Giselle Penagos, got into a disagreement over a dude who accepted one chick’s Facebook friend request yet denied the other cousin.

As if even having an argument over a Facebook friend request isn’t petty enough, when Giselle (the denied female) found out that her cousin’s request had been accepted, she caught an attitude and refused to get into a car with Melanie. Well, turns out Melanie wasn’t having it. So this moron proceeded to hit her cousin with her van- TWO TIMES.

(Clearly one time wasn’t enough. Homegirl needed to put the vehicle in reverse and run that ass over again to make her point. )

Long story short, poor Giselle required surgery Monday to fix a broken leg and shattered pelvis.

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Just so we’re all clear, this crazy bish ran over and then reversed a freaking VAN on top of her own flesh and blood b/c of some dude’s FB friend selection?

*logs all the way off*

why is she a 26 year-old senior…

Mitzi — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 15:56:00 +0000

In this week’s swept-under-the-rug news, this past Sunday the Ithaca Police Department snatched up 26 year-old Cornell senior, Keri Lynn Blakinger in some local hotel parking lot holding nearly SIX ounces of UNCUT heroin!!

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Um,what in the over-educated, no commonsense having, delusions of grandeur hell?

Will someone please explain to me why these privileged college students are behaving like they’re corner boys from the 80s? I know the economy is in a recession but times ain’t NEVER that goddamn tough if you’re enrolled in freaking IVY LEAGUE University! Sheeeit.

But not for nothing, what’s really, really, really making my nerves bad is homegirl from Cornell’s mugshot. Yo. Why does her skin look like a damn biology class experiment gone all the way WRONG??

This chick has mad sores and open blisters all over her face. Uuggh. Makes me wanna grab a Sharpie and play connect the dots on her pockmarked face. And then her hair… JE-SUS.

*makes the sign of the cross*

No exaggeration, there’s so much grease I can smell it from here. I know it’s finals week but dammit, she couldn’t have taken a quick shower before she went to make that drop? No? Too much?

*gags violently*

Ya’ll brats better stop playing the reindeer games, turn off that damn Rick Ross and get your asses back to that study group. Dammit.

send this boy a diddy t-shirt asap…

Mitzi — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 13:51:00 +0000

We hear so many horror stories about sexting gone wrong and exes posting nude pics of women AND men on the internet that it’s impossible not to become jaded by low folks can go. But happily, here’s a small victory for the victims…

A 20 year-old man in New Zealand plead guilty to distributing indecent material for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook without her consent and was actually sentenced to JAIL time.

Granted, it was only 4 months but still….

In what he’s calling an “act of revenge” but I consider straight bitchassness, Joshua Simon Ashby posted a photo of a woman he’d been dating on and off (NOT EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND), which featured her naked in front of a mirror on homegirl’s own Facebook page. READ: So she’d be humilated in front of ALL of her friends and family.

As if that isn’t mortifying enough, Ashby altered the security settings to make it available for viewing to everyone on FB, then altered her password so she could not remove it.

Mind you, this happened AFTER previous incidents where he’d already stolen two of her dresses and destroyed them, knocked her down and broke her cellphone and threatened to kill her via text messages.

DEAD SILENCE

I sincerely hope this chick is sues the ‘ish outta him in civil court and leaves his abusive, bullying behind naked and broke.

sucking it up…

Mitzi — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 14:28:00 +0000

Uuugh, I’m going for my annual check-up this morning. I guess I should say biannual cause as juvenile as it sounds, I really only go to see a regular physician when I have a cold that just won’t go away.

Case in point: this nagging sore throat that’s been killing me and my right ear for the last 3 weeks.

Sigh.

But as bad as I feel, don’t think anyone in America feels worse than Meg Whitman. $140 million dollars of your own personal funds is a lot of money to blow just to get outted for employing an illegal immigrant as your maid (so cliche), being a heartless corporate bee-yatch and ultimately lose your campaign.

Damn ma.

You just know that her family is looking at her like she has about three heads right now. Oh wells… Good luck with that.

entitlement & licca don’t mix…

Mitzi — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 15:00:00 +0000

And just like the basket of cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster the good times never end.

Just yesterday afternoon, I posted a story to my FB page about the loosey goosey woman in Pennsylvania that’s locked up and rightfully serving fed time for attempting to poison her former best friend and husband’s pregnant mistress with deadly chemicals she stole from the microbiology lab where she worked.

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And now we’ve got Clarence Thomas’s ridiculous right-wing nut ass wife Ginny leaving belligerent messages on Anita Hill’s work phone. Talking about, “I would love you to consider an apology some time and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband.”

Are you serious???

First of all, who the hell told GINNY that she had the right to ask for an apology from ANYONE? Forreal, she ain’t nothing but a pompous, out-of-line, attention seeking 53- year old bish. I don’t know which of her fellow Teabagging homegirls put the battery in her back and that fool gassed up, but alla them hoes are dead wrong for this nonsense.

I mean, let’s keep it 1000. Ginny DOES NOT WANT IT with Ms. Anita. We all know her shady good-for-nothing, self-hating husband is guilty as the day is long. Okay? And even more importantly, this ain’t 1991. Ron and Nancy ain’t around to make folks testimonies disappear no more.

Ginny, you WILL get that lily white behind embarrassed if you keep up with the sheenanigans!

And not for nothing, it’s been a THOUSAND years. Why is she even thinking about, let alone harassing this woman? And on a damn SATURDAY afternoon? Um hello, shouldn’t you be spending time your husband/ family? Or what, Clarence left you home alone and forgot to lock the liquor cabinet AGAIN?

I mean, I can just see it now:

Ginny and her gang of bitter, bitchy, Lilly Pulitzer wearing, conservative Right croonies were sitting around in the manse, tossing back dry martinis like juice and complaining about why none of them were picked to be on the Real Housewives of DC. Next thing you know, one of the crypt keeper crew gets a little crunk and pipes up- “Yeah! Cause you know we got REAL drama! Shoot! Remember that trick Anita Hill, that tried to play your man Gin- Gin??” So then, Ginny takes another long swig before replying, “Hell yeah, I remember that ho. Matter-of-fact, I should call her.” And the ball starts a rolling…

Just. Like. Like.

i don’t have the eye or stomach for it…

Mitzi — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 03:36:00 +0000

When it comes to careers, I firmly believe everyone should take the time to figure out what they love and more importantly, what they do well. And then, once you have that info- MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Cause there is nothing worse than spending a lifetime toiling away at something you don’t give 2 shits about or worse, SUCK at.

Case in point: this photo from the Chloe Spring Summer 2011 runway shoe.

Now, I am willing to bet my LAST dollar that many naturally gifted fashionistas and stylists around the world are SWOONING over this overpriced piece of leather and plastic sewn together somewhere behind God’s back in China. Mmm-hmm… I can just hear the high-pitched squeals now.

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I, on the other hand, am so distracted by the mangled toes on the model wearing said shoe, that I can’t even utter a word. Let alone imagine myself wearing it. Chunky, golden plated kitten heel and all.

*sucks back of the teeth LOUDLY*

I mean seriously, who beat this poor girl’s toes to a pulp like this? And with all the make-up artists on hand backstage, the best they could come up with was to throw some clear polish on them Fred Flinestone nails? As opposed to, I don’t know, some damn cover-up?

Uuugh.

Like I said, everything ain’t for everyone.

happy to hear about the sushi & coffee….

Mitzi — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 02:52:00 +0000

Hmm, this is a new one…

While I’ve certainly heard that enjoying a glass of wine ONE day a week during a pregnancy is very safe and in fact, may even be beneficial. But this chick, Beth is tossing back a glass, FOUR OR FIVE days a week.

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But considering, I don’t normally toss back that many glasses and I haven’t been pregnant a day in my life, doesn’t that seem a tad shakey bakey?

All I can say is, sure hope their health insurance carriers aren’t watching. Because new health laws in effect or not, it might be hard to convince folks to cover the long term care necessary for a baby born with defects after seeing this right here.

the face of self-hate…

Mitzi — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:30:00 +0000

Lord… PUH-lease give me the strength.

So Bethany Storro, the woman in Vancouver, Washington who’s heart-wrenching story about having battery acid splashed on her own face by some random, crazed black woman was all over the national news this past week, finally admitted to throwing the disfiguring liquid on her own damn self.

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Now folks talking about, “It’s so sad. No one understands why she did it.”

Um, how about this? I don’t CARE why she did it. At. All. That’s between her, the parents that didn’t love her enough and the therapist that clearly forgot to call in her prescription.

What I care about is how quickly she reached for the unidentified Black assailant card. Like really? Cause there’s that many Black women running around cold ass Washington state for her to choose that ethnicity for her attacker’s description? Bish, you’re exhausting. Eff you and the racist horse you rode in on.

I’m so thankful the police didn’t simply accept her story at face value and start rounding up Black women like it was the wild, wild West. Forreal.

And real talk, if the authorities don’t press charges for obstruction of justice, I for damn sure hope they throw her deranged, low self-esteem having ass in padded room until the end of days. Cause the world is crazy enough. We don’t need not another loony tune to be out and about with the rest of us.