Mitzi Moments » stressed the hell out

granny goes hard…

Mitzi — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 15:12:00 +0000

Oh wait, now this is some fun-ny ‘ish!

An 81 year-old grandmother in Queens, Maria Cartagena is claiming that her upstairs neighbors intentionally made so much noise that they PROVOKED her into shooting one of them point blank in the head.

PAUSE

After numerous unresolved calls to 311, apparently Maria hit the wall. She freaked out, called her husband at work, started screaming that she couldn’t take the torturous noise anymore. Then as fate would have it, she just so ‘happened’ to run into said neighbor, Iraida Palmieri in the elevator shortly thereafter. According to Maria , Iraida was actin’ funny and refused to move over and make space in the elevator car. So Maria told her to move or she was gonna shoot that ass. Iraida who is the wife of a famous Latin jazz pianist, wrongly called Maria’s bluff and ended up with one to the head (well, really just upside the head since she only grazed her head). Just. Like. That.

BLANK STARE WITH 3 SLOOOOOW BLINKS

All I can say is the devil is a busy man.

And not for nothing, my upstairs neighbors are kinda nuts too. They’re like an apartment full of 20-something years old corner boys who clearly think their spot in the hood is the new Playboy Mansion. At 3 am on any given day of the week, they’ll host full on parties, practice dribbling a basketball and or simply play reggaeton until the walls shake.

Puh-lease believe me when I say, I hate Daddy Yankee.

So I understand where Granny was coming from but still…. this right here is nuts.

curly cord and all…

Mitzi — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:10:00 +0000

Lord haf mercy, I am struggling this morning….

First of all my tummy hurts. And we all know, there’s NOTHING worse than waking up with a stomach ache when you have work to do.

But bigger than the bubble guts, why is my BlackBerry suddenly not charging??? WTF? 24 hours ago, the stoopid thing was absolutely fine and now, for no good goddamn reason, it’s not connecting with the charger. Straight dead battery…

AAARRRRGGGH, I hate all this fickle ass technology!

Seriously? The mere thought of the hours that I ‘m about to waste at the ghetto ass Sprint store on 125th Street when my ass should be trying to earn a living makes my stomach cramp up even more.

Jesus be a robin’s egg blue colored rotary phone…

don’t let the cute face fool ya…

Mitzi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:46:00 +0000

Looks like the United States isn’t the only country where grown folks are wildin’ out on out of control little kids…

Apparently, a couple in England went to dinner at a newly opened Mexican restaurant with their somewhat “outspoken” 2-year old (READ: unruly mini tyrant whom probably deserved a quick pinch under the table). When their beloved lil’ Molly started to get antsy and fuss (at the top of her lungs, I’m sure) about the service being too slow, the waiter took it a tad personal. Umm-huh…

Now I know what you’re probably thinking: ‘Eeewa! He put something in the baby’s food!’ But no, homeboy wasn’t nearly as passive aggressive. Instead, he kept it 100% live, and listed a line item charge for the “little f**ker on the bill! Can you stand it??

Jesus take the wheel… cause I can’t.

time to put that nobel prize to work…

Mitzi — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:56:00 +0000

Can we please have an extended moment of silence for those two female news reporters that were just sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a North Korea jail???

According to news reports, the journalists were working on a story for Current TV, a San Francisco-based media company co-founded by former VP Al Gore about the trafficking of women from North Korea into China, but other reports said they were reporting on North Korean refugees who had fled their country. Whatever the case, border patrol officers from the North snatched them chicks up and charged them with illegally entering North Korean territory.

Amnesty International reports that prisoners in these work camps often work 10 hours or more a day, with no rest days, performing demanding work that can include logging and stone quarrying. Beatings are not infrequent, even for simple stuff like forgetting the words to patriotic songs. And obviously, food, hygienic conditions and medical care are poor at best.

But wait on it… in the meantime, US politicians are describing the situation as “high stakes poker game.” Huh?

What in the back-breaking-foreign-torture-mind-game hell is this? I. Can’t. No you heartless idiots, this is not a damn game. Two women are up shit creek without a paddle for doing their JOBS. And folks need to stop playing the who’s balls are the biggest foolishness and bring them the hell home. Seriously.

i’ll bet she killed JR…

Mitzi — Tue, 05 May 2009 15:46:00 +0000

In yet addition of ‘White Women Are SO NOT Handling the Recession Well’- Whatchu know about old school Dallas star, Victoria Principal a.k.a Bobby’s wife Pam Ewing pulling a damn gun on her maid because wait on it… Maribel was taking too long to walk the dog!!

What in the crazy ass-demanding-impatient-pinktoe hell??

It seems the poor domestic engineer took the spoiled Shih-Tzu out for a walk and that little bad ass just wouldn’t drop her load. By the time the two finally returned to the ranch, ole girl was wildin’ out. On sight, Victoria pulled a gun out and ordered Maribel to get the hell off the damn property ‘fore she pumped that ass full of lead. (Okay, maybe she say it exactly like that, but you get the idea).

Humph, humph, humph, I tell ya… Jesus be the melanin that provides coping skills.

Mind you, Pam is currently training to become a civilian astronaut on Richard Branson’s commercial space flight venture, Virgin Galactic. Just so we’re all clear- this woman can’t handle the everyday pressure of her maid taking five minutes too long with the pooch but she wants to head out into space??

I swear ‘fore God I couldn’t make this mess up if I wanted to!!

in the name of the father…

Mitzi — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:12:00 +0000

Just yesterday my girl Joan brought up an ongoing conversation we’ve been sharing about the increasing number of ‘crimes of desperation’ occurring around the country ever since our economy jumped on the little red wagon to hell. You know, like daytime bank robberies, purse snatchings, rich folks in S.C sinking their sailboats for the insurance money, etc.

And then lo and behold, what do I read this morning but the breaking news story about a man in Washington state that held up a convenience store at gunpoint with wait on it… his 9 year-old daughter in tow. Seriously? What in the worthless-ass-child-protective-services part of “bring your kids to work day” is this?

No sir, I cannot and I will not.

Robert Daniel Webb, I rebuke thee!

doo-doo brown…

Mitzi — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 17:17:00 +0000

Why am I being held hostage by UPS?? No, seriously, I’m not even playing with you. Any other day, when I’m NOT expecting a package, this dude is ringing me bell off the hook at 9.01am. But just because I’m expecting something important- and really need to get it no later than today- he’s a straight no-show. I swear this fool is gonna drive me to drink. Jerk.