Mitzi Moments » honorary white woman

a Black History month gift from G.Payton…

Mitzi — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 05:25:00 +0000

YOOOOOOOO! What in the wide-nostril-cross-dressing- hell is this??

Like forreal, is this clown really on YouTube rhapsodizing about his damn wig $5 wig?

Talking ’bout, “Dis is ‘Still I Rise’ hair; the hope & dream of the slave. Dis is for the colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf- but if them girls was laid, they wouldn’t have been considering suicide.”

BLANK STARE

You know what, no. Just no. I don’t care what I see or hear, the devil is a liar.

*logs off of life & goes to glory*

keepin’ up the crazy…

Mitzi — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 02:35:00 +0000

Since it’s so late in the game I really, really didn’t think I should bother posting this video. But as many times as I watch this video, I just can’t get enough. And I figure if the Essence controversy can still be going on strong than shoot, I’m gonna get mine in too.

Now remember:

Hide ya kids, Hide ya wife and hide ya husband, cause they raping everybody out here!

*swan dives into the shallow end of the pool*

tardy to the party…

Mitzi — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 14:48:00 +0000

Uh-oh, it looks like married women are no longer turning a blind eye on this recent mistress/ sidechick uprising that’s been popping off on a la ESPN’s Steve Phillips, Tiger Woods & most recently, Jesse James.It seems a humiliated 60 year-old North Carolina woman sued her ex-husband’s mistress for 9 MILLION dollars for willfully wrecking thee 33-year long marriage. Oh and guess what? She won.

Puh-lease don’t ask me how I missed this in yesterday’s NY Post… But thank God for Young, Black & Fabulous, huh?

So now forreal, forreal, what do you think? Should a wife/husband be able to sue the home wrecker that ends a marriage? Theoretically, she/he is NOT the person who signed the legally binding marital contract. Or more importantly, the individual who promised in front of God, family and friends to be faithful to the union? Hmm…

Whether we like it or not, ‘ish happens. To play devil’s advocate, there are many times when the other person isn’t even aware of the marriage. And in those SPECIFIC cases, I’d prob say get you a top of the line divorce lawyer and call it a day.

BUT…

If it can be proven that some no-home-training- having individual was deliberate and malicious in their intent- have at it. Leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to make that person’s life a living nightmare.

It is what it is.

straight train wreck…

Mitzi — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:37:00 +0000

Oh JESUS, what in the holy hell happened to Sammy Sosa???

In my humble estimation- The former ‘roided out Chicago ballplayer showed up on the Latin Grammy red carpet looking like someone took a potato peeler to his epidermis and left this grotesque living human carcass behind. Talking about, he recently underwent a skin rejuvenation procedure… Yeah, right.

If you believe that crock of crap, I’ve got a luxury condo on the corner of crack and murder that I want to sell you for the low, low price of $1,000,000,000,000.

But seriously, beyond this obvious attempt to morph into a bloated Marc Anthony, can someone, ANYONE please explain the throwback ‘hazel green’ contacts or greasy wave nuevo? Lookin’ like a cross between Lil’ Kim’s long-lost brother and P. Diddy circa 1993… *Dead Fish Eyes*

It’s so tragic when folks clearly hate themselves.

a psa doesn’t pay for bottle service…

Mitzi — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:23:00 +0000

Say what you want about Naomie Campbell but that broad’s got balls.

Whether it’s throwing a cell phone at your head, exclusively dating old decrepit white billionaires, dancing on an elevated platform with no panties,or cussin’ out the entire modeling industry for not using more models of color, homegirl just doesn’t give two shits about what anyone thinks. And I for one am more than happy to co-sign on the tomfoolery.

Which is why it makes perfect sense (at least to me) that after posing for one of those signature “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” PETA campaigns back in the day, homegirl is now the star of the Dennis Basso fur fall campaign. And then keeping her response to the whole bruh-ha-ha real simple, “Yes, I still wear fur.” HA! Just like that…

Take notes.

so not ready for primetime…

Mitzi — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 13:51:00 +0000

For a minute, when I woke up I thought I was going to have a real whatever day: the weather is beyond miserable, my tummy hurts and the sight of $1400 thigh-high Prada boots in the new Nordstrom catalog damn near drove me to stroll a corner near you. But then, I saw this video and my whole LIFE just changed.

‘Cause seriously, why are these two the most out of control dogs EVER? And even more importantly, why is these woman sitting there and LETTING the dogs basically hump on their faces and punk them??? It’s too much!

Call me a bad sport but at the point the little pitbull backs her dirty butt dead into the newscaster’s grill, that would’ve been the time to get up and call it a day. No?

You be the judge.

still waiting for usher to perform…

Mitzi — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:49:00 +0000

I’d be wrong for not posting about the hot ass mess that was the BET Awards, wouldnt I?

‘Cause I’d really rather not talk about the tomfoolery that snatched almost four hours of my life away and left me utterly depressed. On some- so this is what we’ve been reduced to, huh?

And it’s not even so much the whole T-Pain accepting his award with a red plastic cup in hand, ya girl Beyonce selfishly choosing to sing a lackluster Ave Maria instead of a MJ song when she’s probably one of only 4 people in the entire place that could’ve done it justice, Zoe Saladano’s no home-training having self announcing to the world that veteran actress/Star Trek icon Nichelle Nichols was delayed the show up because she was in the bathroom TWICE or even Ving Rhames violent crackhead-esque outburst.

Naw, it was the subtle screw-ups that made my nerves bad.

Like, this many years in the game and your tech guys still can’t get the sound system situation together? Err-um, why in the world weren’t the nominees in the various categories named? Who the hell didn’t realize that Don Cornelius is a thousand years old and anticipate his obvious need for the size of letters on the telepromter to be EXTRA, EXTRA LARGE? And most disturbing- Where was the Michael jackson bio?? All the energy put into Jaime’s wardrobe changes and nobody realized that there wasn’t a complete career bio/ montage prepared? Sigh.

Jesus take the wheel, ’cause I. Can’t.

sure hope he had his drawers on…

Mitzi — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:21:00 +0000

In most cases, there’s nothing funny about police brutality. Like, at all. But you know my motto- every day is a new opportunity to take it to the next level. Peep game:

Yesterday afternoon, North Chicago Police Officer Carl Slain was charged with assaulting his fellow boy in blue, the Waukegan Chief of Police Artis Yancey.

Apparently, good ole Carl (who mind you, was recently voted District Officer of The Year) got wind of the fact that his estranged wife was screwing around at the crib with another man. So naturally, as soon as he got off duty he headed over to ‘get things straight’.

When he arrived on the scene, I guess homegirl was trying to be on some slick shit and refused to answer the door. (Can’t you hear her now- “Just ignore all that banging baby. I told you, me and him not together no more.”)

Well don’t you know homeboy smashed a window, stormed in and charged up to the bedroom?

Once in the bedroom, crazy ass Carl (you like how he went from good ole Carl to the crazy ass, right?) found the freaking Police Chief HIDING out in the closet and proceed to pistol whip and beat FIRE out of that ass.

DAYUM son. Can you say anger management issues? WTF?? I’m gonna need the Chicago Police force to turn off the R.Kelly and pull it together. Not now, but RIGHT NOW.

say three hail mary’s…

Mitzi — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:56:00 +0000

In yet another example of how close we are to the end of days, why was a U.S. Marine Corps Recruiter arrested for pimping out a 14 year-old to potential enlistment recruits??

Alledgedly, Staff Sgt. Bryan Damone Cunningham (Um, Bryan Damone? $50 says this fool is Black. Sigh. My people, my people puh-lease STOP watching Hustle & Flow) attempted to barter the girl to a pair of 18 and 19 year-old interested recruits as an incentive to sign the dotted line. Sick Perv.

But wait on it… According to the po-po, homegirl met Cunningham online and had sex with all three men. She also told the cops Cunningham wanted her to work as a prostitute and had tried to take her to Los Angeles County against her will.

So basically, she was down to have sex with all three but just didn’t want to go to Los Angeles? Uh-uh, I can’t.

Jesus be a 7-year stint in a convent far, far away.

karma is a 4-legged female…

Mitzi — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:50:00 +0000

Damn Elizabeth Edwards! Why don’t you tell us how you really feel about your husband’s affair, mistress and the illegitimate daughter he now has??

Seriously, how many years has it been since the former Senator John Edwards dropped outta the presidential race because his mistress came forward with his love child? And his ole girl still ain’t ready to let it go?? Hmm, guess the answer to that question would be a resounding HELL NAW since she’s written an entire book about her husband’s messy extra-marital affair and how it basically obliterated his entire political career (under the guise of being an inspirational self-help guide, of course).

But wait on it… now she’s making rounds in TIME magazine and on Oprah’s couch to throw John even further under the bus; I mean, promote her new project. Hee-hee. Talking about, “I’ve seen a picture of the baby. I have no idea. It doesn’t look like my children, but I don’t have any idea.” Um, did she just call that woman’s child, IT???

Damn, that’s cold.

On the forreal, forreal, I feel horribly for Elizabeth Edwards. I can’t imagine what it must be like to discover that your husband is cheating on you with some no-count, golddigging, bottle-blonde while you’re trying to beat breast cancer. And then the whole messy situation is played out in the headlines? Yikes, no thank you.

But not for nothing… if she’s still so pissed, why stay? White woman in distress, don’t you know the whole world belongs to you? Pack yo shit, get your child and bounce. Otherwise ma, go sit down. Whatever you do, please stop hatin’ on the side-piece- it just make you look bitter. And Lord knows you already look like the cryptkeeper besides that man; no offense.